Amanda and the Hendersons

Here, once again......Parklen and I find ourselves in the hospital....Yesterday sucked....for lack of a better word.......If it could go wrong, it did.  Parklen was miserable and it felt like the day lasted for an eternity.  A procedure showed that Parklen's lungs are worse than they had even thought.  Today they started some "vest" treatments.  Parklen is strapped into a little vest, it fills with air and then it "wiggles" kind of hard, thus shaking loose all of the stuff stuck in his lungs.  The first treatment did not go over well.  He freaked out the entire time (add in some high dose steroids and it was HORRIBLE)  Cool news is, he has to do them four times a day....even when we go home.  They will be combining this with some other treatments.  They still have some concerns with Parklen's blood tests, and have sent a bunch of them out to other hospitals....still waiting to hear on those.  His main doc says it the best....."he loo...

I find myself treading water in the middle of my mother shape......my shape is a triangle. It has three sides. On one side sits Parklen, Parklen and his illness.....  His needs, he needs me for his care, for his comfort, for his everything.  I am constantly tending to his changing needs.  Constantly trying to anticipate whats next and stay a step ahead.  Always trying to protect him from picking up more sickness.  Having to keep him home from the things he wants to do because he isn't well.  Because other kids have germs that could bring him down.  The past two weeks he has been very ill.  I find myself staying up at night, running to his aide.....controlling his fever, remembering his meds round the clock, holding his hand as he looks me in the eyes and says, "Mama, I hurt inside."  His side is very heavy...... On another side I find Paysen.  My healthy, beautiful boy.  His needs are so different.  He doesn't...

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be the kid that barfs at school?  Ya know.....the kid who, in front of the entire class, loses the contents of their stomach.......  Well, after today, Paysen could let ya know what that's like.  He accomplished being the "barf kid" by puking not once BUT twice on the floor of his kindergarten class.  It has been a week for the Henderson's.....  Parklen picked up an infection and a collection of fluid in his lungs...We had a mishap at the hospital, lots of sleeplessness, and lots of being sick.  God has given Mama a break from her own sickness in order to take care of her babies....which is a huge blessing. The events leading up to Paysens little mishap at school today are a story all themselves....but for another day.  His white little face peering up at me from the nurses bed was something that I am not used to seeing....the kid just doesn't get sick.  I guess there is a family balan...

So Its been a long long time since I have been here...... There has been so many complex layers of stuff going on it has been just crazy..... and so now, here I am......to let it all out and dump it on this page. Where do I even begin........ How about we start with the MOST of the giant elephants in this room...... So, we are having a baby, Yes, I have spilled that news. We are having our THIRD baby..... Yep, this is the third go 'round for me and pregnancy. However, this is the first time, IN MY LIFE, I have felt this sick. I have lost tons and tons of weight, my motivation, pretty much.....my norm. I have been getting up, taking the boys to school and going back to bed.....remaining in my pajamas...(if you know me well, you know how big of a deal this is.) Been sporting the no make up look, most every day. Please let me just come to my own defense for a second....I am not a wuss.....I have babies drug free, I can handle pain, I can handle stress........

Yesterday there was a birthday in the Henderson house.....Paysen, our sensitive, loving, smart, compassionate, witty, and wonderful boy turned 6!  Surprisingly I didn't shed any birthday tears like normal.....I found myself too busy trying to just make it through his day whilst feeling super sick.  We do a lot of candles for our birthdays!!  We start at breakfast......a request for his favorite, white chocolate pancakes adorned with some fire sticks is a good way to start your special day.  He got to choose his dinner location......Olive Garden was his desire.....and so we went!!  It was so cute and funny to watch his face as the staff sang happy birthday!  Another candle..... We ended the night with cake......I am not able to bake right now (this pregnancy is KICKING my butt) so instead of purchasing a cake, a friend of mine offered to bake him his homemade strawberry request.......more candles. We celebrated his birthday with friends a cou...

Let me tell you a little story....Its a crazy one. I can recall at least a dozen different people that asked me this question in the past 4 months, "Are you guys going to have any more kids?"  Each and every time I would answer, "I'm not sure, but defiantly not right now, things are just too crazy."  I believed this to be true. A little over a month ago I started having little feelings, feelings that I ignored.  About three weeks ago I found myself unable to drink ANY coffee.....none.....at ALL (if you really know me, you know that this is a big deal....I live for coffee)    That's when I knew.  Nothing on this entire earth could keep me away from my coffee.....well except for one thing..... I took a few tests at home, You could barely see the result and Devan insisted it wasn't there.....After a blood test, our thoughts were confirmed.  We are having a baby......a BABY.  Another child, ONE more human in our home......a baby.  ...

This week has been an emotional and crazy ride.  I am not alone in Denver...Devan and Paysen are along for this trip............having someone to share the drive with is a wonderful gift....it will be especially wonderful when I leave the hospital this afternoon, after arriving at 5:20 am for Parklen's surgery and spending last night waking up every hour in a panic in fear that I had overslept.  This girl is going to be napping it in the car.....(this is a risky move around Devan...he is known to snap pictures of his dear wife snoozing along with open mouth, drool and all....) Parklen is back in surgery right now.....they are repairing his teeth that have been rotted away from his disease and his constant meds.....after that they will look at his lungs and see how they are looking after three months of treatment.  I am trying to hold myself together....but its been tough this week.  We took Paysen school shopping and the very thought of having a week and a...