Amanda and the Hendersons

My cell phone is full...full of pictures of this.... Countless times every day I find myself scrambling to find my phone to capture a moment when my camera is out of reach.....  There is always a kid doing something photo worthy ....but usually it is this little gal...because she is always.... always.... adorable....and ready to strike a pose. She is also a little bit feisty. I think she has learned that from her brothers.....   Paysen is always building something... Parklen is always learning a new trick.... There is so much to be captured around here. The last couple of days have been crazy. Three fevers, on three separate kids..... Three kids crammed into one doctors appointment..... and that was just Monday.... Follow with some test results on Parklen that brought my worst nightmare to the front of my mind..... and that was Tuesday... Wednesday had its valleys.... Today had some too.... And as I sit here, I keep trying to think about things ...

You know that feeling? The one that comes when you neglect doing something that you love?!? Like when it has been too long since my husband went fishing.... Or like too much time passing between baking sessions for my grandmother.... When Paysen hasn't drawn a picture for some time.... When Parklen hasn't talked about the Hulk.... Everyone has their something that gives them that feeling..... Today I was parked outside of the school waiting for my second grader and it hit me..... it hit hard.... It started in my gut and rose to my throat...... I was instantly filled to my brim with feelings..... and I thought.... "What am I going to do with all of these feelings?" and then I thought.... "Why have I not been writing?" and, although I already knew the answers to the questions....I forced myself to run through them one by one...... Mostly I have not been writing because I haven't felt  like it. I haven't felt like doing much..... ...

Because the last 12 months.... The last 365 days..... The last year.... has brought us blessings that we could have never imagined. Because we witnessed the transformation of a boy that was always ours...... but struggled to exist. We knew that inside of the pain, inside of the hurt.... was something incredible..... The chisel of life.... The chipping away moment by moment.... by the master sculptor Himself.... chip by chip... has shaped and revealed something beyond amazing.... He began his transplant journey with a workup to see how his body could manage.... he fought through every test.... he struggled to run on the treadmill.... he smiled and cried all at the same time..... A year later he has been made new.... and every step of the way has been a gift.... to us, to him, to everyone who has ever known him... to the witnesses that watch from afar.... Because Parklen shows proof of miracles.... Parklen shines bright with the grace and love of God..... ...

Because we live in a community that is incredibly giving and amazing, things like this happen....... A private visit to a local corn maze. All to ourselves...... Just  us. No worry of sick people causing infection. No stress of steering clear of the crowds..... No company, No strangers.... Just simplicity at its finest.  Fresh air. Open spaces.... echoing giggles....  The simple joys that other families experience on their weekends are few and far between for us.  We don't have the opportunity to explore local events.....The people in public carry risks far too big for Parklen.....so while the places may be ok to explore.....the crowds are not.  Parklen felt like a regular boy.........  Paysen got to do things that the kids in his class talk about at school.  I got to watch as our family explored and had fun.  My heart swollen....  Devan got to lead his family in a different way.....through the fie...

Today was a special day. It was special for many reasons.... But, the biggest reason for declaring this day special was this boy..... Paysen turned 8 today. We celebrated all day today. We celebrated him yesterday with a little party..... He was allowed to choose only two friends.... the rule being that they knew  about our family and would not show up sick........ So his two closest friends and their families joined our family in the park..... There was cupcakes, candy, snacks.... There was a squirt gun battle.......which was Devan's idea.... "it will be fun for the kids"   That was what he said......Devan takes competition very seriously...even when his appoints are children...... They all ended up soaked and the kids deemed Devan a target and worked hard to bring. him. down.... We borrowed a bounce house.... Which was made more special by only having a few kids there..... I will not lie.... I loved the bounce house. I ...

Sometimes you have days that are hard..... Sometimes you can hide your fight behind a brave face.... Today was hard.... I hid my struggle for most of the day. But in the end....the mask fell to the floor. Sometimes the weight of being someones advocate gets to you.... Sometimes the tears are so heavy that they have no choice but to fall. The stress of the last two weeks is taking its tole..... School starting, Parklen breaking his leg (have I mentioned that he broke his leg?) Struggles.... Heavy things.... stress.... It is adding up. Today, I was explaining my day to day to a friend..... She was genuinely interested.... and as I mapped out what my day looks like I felt nauseous. I felt like every word was just a small reopening of the wound that once was.... Its hard to explain, but there are things that most people find very "normal" that are far beyond any possibility for us.... As the day ticked on, the reopening got bigger.... and the s...