Amanda and the Hendersons

One of the greatest ways to deal with stress is to just play.... The last few days have been something....... Two sick kiddos, the start of spring break, a canceled hospital visit..... stress..... The coughs have been loud.... the nights lacking rest..... and tiny people needing extra love and kisses.... Some nice weather gave us the perfect opportunity for fresh air..... some time outside to breathe.... I swear to never become numb to the blessings of my kids playing together.... and outside .... It is such a big deal to see them running around..... A big deal that I am not watching from the window as I sit inside with Parklen.... That I am not carrying Parklen around the yard to watch his brother play... and that Phinlynn scurries quickly behind as she giggles.... Nice outfit Parklen chose for himself..... Parklen wasn't sure he was feeling up to some time outside..... but, we all know......you can do anything.....with the r...

The Honda was packed.... Suitcases stuffed into the back, stroller, even snacks...the only thing missing was the three children that would fill the seats......and the night ended. The sun rose ..... We were set to leave shortly... a weeks worth of appointments ahead.... My heart sank as I heard Parlklen coughing from the other room, one look in his direction and I knew that our plans were about to change. Healthy and happy when he fell asleep last night... His eyes were telling..... they told a story of illness... and the eyes don't lie. I called the nurse at Children's..... she talked with the doctor... and an hour later, she called to tell me that everything was canceled. Not something that can be done with the symptoms he has....(and Phinlynn has too) and had we come, they would have sent us home.... There will be no appointments tomorrow, or in the week to come..... The donation of cells by Paysen is put on hold.... the receiving of the cells b...

Sometimes, I swear........my life speeds up.  The crazy takes over, and I have trouble finding my feet.  Up is down and down is somewhere else..... I have trouble remembering what and where and who....... I accomplish zero things on my to do list.... There are days like this...... even weeks.... I'm living in the midst of some right now. I have things to do, but do them,  I do not. Instead, I mostly sit........... Sit and stare at my kids, my whole family.... and then.....I stare some more.  I watch them do the things they do....... Play, homework, brush their teeth.... and I get weepy..... Paysen...... this kid, He is so responsible, so smart..... so, so, smart.... Loves to learn. I could watch him read a book for hours.....his face changes with every turn of a page. So sensitive, and just all together good. Phinlynn, I cannot take my eyes from her....She is almost always within my sight..... Melting my he...

The last few days have been filled with memories.  Memories of days passed.... They started to flood in the other night when I was up with Parklen for most of the night, he had some bone pain caused by growing and a life time of steroids.....he was unable to sleep and I found myself comforting him in the middle of the night.  I was so tired and could barely keep my heavy lids open, but through squinted eyes, I saw Parklen looking at me.  He looks at me differently than any other human on this earth....and the look is something that pierces straight to my heart.  He was looking at me as I tried all I could to ease his pain.....and he whispered, "I love you mom."  and my heart remembered....... Remembered the years I spent easing his pain, the sleepless nights when I lay with my hand upon his chest, waiting for each breath.... Remembered the tears, the cries... Remembered the nightly vomit, the daily fevers.... I remembered the middle of the nights....

Sunday of our trip was free from any scheduled activities..... It wasn't hard for us to decide that we wanted to spend it on the beach! We found a nice spot on the Hawaiian coast, beneath the trees..... our towels spread atop of the warm sand..... It took nearly 5 seconds for the boys to run off toward the water..... We spent the entire day there, the boys sat along the waters edge and allowed the waves to wash them further ashore.... over and over again..... They made a friend. A little girl who lived on the island, her mother from Pakistan, her father from England....They had moved to the island for her father to become a helicopter pilot...... She was shy, she held tightly to her mother's hand as she approached the boys.... Before long, they were buddies and they all three laughed and played....running along the beach, Parklen never letting the little girl leave his sight..... Most of Parklen's interactions are with adults, and when he gets ...

Saturday was the day of all days for Parklen. He had dreamed of it, wished for it, talked about it, and was about to experience it. Our appointment wasn't until the afternoon, so he had some torturous hours of wait....... We tried to keep busy, eating, walking, playing and exploring. When the time came, he was ready. Paysen, Parklen and I were fitted with our life vests and directed to a waiting area..... Devan wrangled Phinlynn, as she was too small to partake. Parklen smiled from ear to ear.....Paysen did too. We eased in off of the beach, the water reaching just above my knees. It wasn't too cold, and there were fish swimming all around us. Our trainer called over our new friend and so began Parklen's wish come true. Parklen could not stop smiling, he giggled at every turn. We learned commands, we interacted. The dolphins were everything that Parklen imagined they would be. ...