Amanda and the Hendersons

Life is full of seasons... Winter, spring, summer and fall... Childhood, teenage years and adulthood... and about a million others lived within those all.... I am in a season. A season that has placed me where I would rather not be. With the gift of four children, I expected some chaos...some exhaustion... I never imagined what my life has become. Exhausted. Tired. Insecure. Disorganized. I can honestly say that most moments that have happened since our latest sweetie was born, I remember close to none of them. Our baby cried. And not like a baby cries....but cried constantly. For at least 20 hours a day.....he cried.  Being the mother of Parklen, I was worried. I thought for sure he was sick or something terrible was happening....  The doctor assured me.... colic. He had colic. I don't know what you know about colic...but it was designed by the devil...to attack a mother and family while they are vulnerable... expecting the sweet sensation of a newborn...

Wow. Its been a minute.... Today was a long day. All days recently are long days. On this particular day, Parklen and I find ourselves in the local hospital. He is getting his usual infusion in a very unusual way. Its been a Murphy's law type of day.. and that's all I am going to say. But as things around us are going wrong, and the list of troubles pile up one by one... This boy remains the same. He is so sweet. So kind. and so full of God's love. Being with him today has reminded me of a lot of things. Our past. The hard days, The good days. The scary days... The moments of fear, and joy. The hope we had, the hope we have... Parklen reminded me today of the road we've traveled. and, Parklen reminded me today of just how far grace can go.... Kindness. Smiles. They can make all of the difference. When things are going wrong, you can choose to let your attitude go right... and THAT....can make all the difference. B...

It has been 1,460 days since Parklen's transplant. Four YEARS. I lose my breath when I think about that.  It has been four years since my Parklen was dying.... since we prayed that God would spare his life.... Four years. That day is fresh in my mind....and I believe that it always will be. I remember the sights, the smells, the sounds and the feelings as if they were happening today...right in front of me now.... That day is burned into my memory. Always and forever. Where have we been in the four years since that day? We've traveled many mountain highs, and gotten reacquainted with the valleys. We've watched miracles happen, and hardship return. But through it all.... We have remained safely in the hands of God. The creator, Our creator... He has held tightly to us as our life ship has sailed through the waves...and rested calmly on still seas. In four years we have watched Parklen change from a dying boy, to a surviv...

There are times when I am sure I have met my limit. Recently, I am having some of those times. It seems to be thing after thing and happening after happening.... Last week was super tough. Exhausting. And although I don't like to talk much about myself...here's what happened. I had 2 days that I spent in the hospital with a kidney infection... Turns out a kidney infection is a lingering nuisance when you're pregnant... Wait a minute, let me back that up a second.....have I EVEN told you guys that I am pregnant? Its shared on my personal Facebook, but I don't think I have actually written about it. Yup. Pregnant. Number 4. Almost to the third trimester. That started my week. Then I went home from the hospital and packed to take Parklen to his  hospital. The kids and I loaded up and headed to Denver. I started having continuous pain in my belly over our first night there and it escalated the next morning. By the time the kids and I had made it to c...

I have had a week. You know the kind. My snorkel has been taking on water with each wave that hits... making it hard to breathe... And the brief moment after it fills, I panic. Trying to remember the next step... Scrambling. Until I remember... And then I force the water out.... Push it with prayer... I breathe. I felt completely numb this week in Denver. The words, The plans, The advice... It felt ice-cold to me... I feel tired. I feel frustrated. I feel defeated. Parklen is not complete. and although that is true, his illness is not at its worst. He is not as bad as he once was. Which makes things tricky. It means that....once again, his future is uncertain. It means that for now, We wait. We maintain, We tread water. Clearing the water as it comes... pushing it out so that we can breathe. The doctor talked about some future options and places we may have to go... but the if and the when are not known, We convinced him to sign off ...

Around November 12th or so of 2008 God began to weave into my life a very important collection of words. There are many words on the list. All important. All thick with meaning... All lessons. But there is one word that seems to be repeated time and time again... through out the list it appears...more than once...many times. The word.... Perspective. I was given the gift of perspective. Not that I was asking for it or anything. It certainly wasn't mentioned in my daily prayers or over coffee with a friend... I wasn't looking for it. As the gift was handed to me, my arms gave way under its weight. It is heavy. Its outer shell isn't soft or smooth.. more like the thick and scaly skin of a snake...or maybe a porcupine..... But, whether I liked it or not, The gift was given to me. It took days to open its first layer... a crash landing into a pediatric hospital for the first time... weeks in a medically induced coma for my baby. Breathing machines...

Bitterness takes over, when you feel that life's unfair. When your baby is sick, or your bills aren't paid, maybe the grey is taking over your hair. One thing after another... it always seems to be. Questions, rarely answers... Puzzles that are often missing a piece. Bitterness leaves a taste in your mouth, that can not be easily replaced.. it can make the best things taste sour, the good taste bad... and the perfect things go to waste... It is so easy for me to find myself here... wading through the murky and muddy waters... Where I stand, bitter and angry... and alone... It takes a desperate plea in the form of a prayer... A good shake all the way down to my core. A friend, a memory... and sometimes... maybe just a little more. It helps when I remember all the places I have been, The highs, the lows... and everything between. 8 years can seem like a lifetime.. and also as a fleeting moment. When you look forward to tomorrow... When y...