Amanda and the Hendersons

Do you remember being a kid and learning to swim? I was thinking recently about how hard this test was for me....Swimming did not come natural...at all. I remember being in my swim classes and watching as the kids around me were confident and ready....easy to teach and fast to learn... I watched as they laughed...and splashed....and swam ... All the while, I clinched my white knuckles around the side of the pool...afraid to loosen my grip.  When I would finally release my grasp, one finger at a time... I would struggle...in every way. It was terrifying. I can see my scrawny arms and legs kicking frantically and flailing about, the ebb and flow of the water coming and going toward my face.....the heavy feeling of impending doom...I just could not get it. I failed plenty of classes....and yet my mom continued to sign me up...hoping eventually I would get it. The knot that forms when you fear you will drown is unmistakable. It's a feeling all its own. To look at everyone...

5 years. I just cannot believe that it's true. It doesn't seem possible. 5 years is such a long time...Its almost as though a few lifetimes have passed since that day. Can you remember what you were doing 5 years ago? I remember each moment....like they were yesterday. The day that Parklen received Paysen's life saving gift of marrow. Parklen has now lived as long after as he did before . Day zero  is the center point of his existence thus far. The thing that all of his pain led him to.... and the moment that has made every moment since possible. Life today isn't what I thought it might be back then. As we trudged forward toward the transplant....believing in faith that Parklen would make it to the other side..... No, life isn't exactly how I had imagined..... But the heartache that would have been without that day....cannot be measured. You kind of paint an unattainable image of how the years to come will look. When you’re faced with such an i...

Life is full of seasons... Winter, spring, summer and fall... Childhood, teenage years and adulthood... and about a million others lived within those all.... I am in a season. A season that has placed me where I would rather not be. With the gift of four children, I expected some chaos...some exhaustion... I never imagined what my life has become. Exhausted. Tired. Insecure. Disorganized. I can honestly say that most moments that have happened since our latest sweetie was born, I remember close to none of them. Our baby cried. And not like a baby cries....but cried constantly. For at least 20 hours a day.....he cried.  Being the mother of Parklen, I was worried. I thought for sure he was sick or something terrible was happening....  The doctor assured me.... colic. He had colic. I don't know what you know about colic...but it was designed by the devil...to attack a mother and family while they are vulnerable... expecting the sweet sensation of a newborn...

Wow. Its been a minute.... Today was a long day. All days recently are long days. On this particular day, Parklen and I find ourselves in the local hospital. He is getting his usual infusion in a very unusual way. Its been a Murphy's law type of day.. and that's all I am going to say. But as things around us are going wrong, and the list of troubles pile up one by one... This boy remains the same. He is so sweet. So kind. and so full of God's love. Being with him today has reminded me of a lot of things. Our past. The hard days, The good days. The scary days... The moments of fear, and joy. The hope we had, the hope we have... Parklen reminded me today of the road we've traveled. and, Parklen reminded me today of just how far grace can go.... Kindness. Smiles. They can make all of the difference. When things are going wrong, you can choose to let your attitude go right... and THAT....can make all the difference. B...

It has been 1,460 days since Parklen's transplant. Four YEARS. I lose my breath when I think about that.  It has been four years since my Parklen was dying.... since we prayed that God would spare his life.... Four years. That day is fresh in my mind....and I believe that it always will be. I remember the sights, the smells, the sounds and the feelings as if they were happening today...right in front of me now.... That day is burned into my memory. Always and forever. Where have we been in the four years since that day? We've traveled many mountain highs, and gotten reacquainted with the valleys. We've watched miracles happen, and hardship return. But through it all.... We have remained safely in the hands of God. The creator, Our creator... He has held tightly to us as our life ship has sailed through the waves...and rested calmly on still seas. In four years we have watched Parklen change from a dying boy, to a surviv...

There are times when I am sure I have met my limit. Recently, I am having some of those times. It seems to be thing after thing and happening after happening.... Last week was super tough. Exhausting. And although I don't like to talk much about myself...here's what happened. I had 2 days that I spent in the hospital with a kidney infection... Turns out a kidney infection is a lingering nuisance when you're pregnant... Wait a minute, let me back that up a second.....have I EVEN told you guys that I am pregnant? Its shared on my personal Facebook, but I don't think I have actually written about it. Yup. Pregnant. Number 4. Almost to the third trimester. That started my week. Then I went home from the hospital and packed to take Parklen to his  hospital. The kids and I loaded up and headed to Denver. I started having continuous pain in my belly over our first night there and it escalated the next morning. By the time the kids and I had made it to c...

I have had a week. You know the kind. My snorkel has been taking on water with each wave that hits... making it hard to breathe... And the brief moment after it fills, I panic. Trying to remember the next step... Scrambling. Until I remember... And then I force the water out.... Push it with prayer... I breathe. I felt completely numb this week in Denver. The words, The plans, The advice... It felt ice-cold to me... I feel tired. I feel frustrated. I feel defeated. Parklen is not complete. and although that is true, his illness is not at its worst. He is not as bad as he once was. Which makes things tricky. It means that....once again, his future is uncertain. It means that for now, We wait. We maintain, We tread water. Clearing the water as it comes... pushing it out so that we can breathe. The doctor talked about some future options and places we may have to go... but the if and the when are not known, We convinced him to sign off ...