Amanda and the Hendersons

I have a four year old that likes to choose his preference of anesthesia....... this takes most doctors by surprise....... He knows what works best for him. I have the four year old that holds the mask to his own face as he breathes deeply to go to sleep for surgery.  I have a four year old who can tell you how they insert a mediport into your chest...... can tell you what an MRI is, a CT scan..... a surgery........ I have a four year old who understands the concept of having medicine to stay well. I have a four year old who amazes nurses and medical staff at his ability to take grown up size pills with ease........ I have a four year old who giggled uncontrollably when they fitted him with his hearing aide and he was able to hear us whisper to him....... I have a four year old who rocks the headband hearing device and believes me when I tell him it is cool. I have a four year old who voices his hopes.....that one day, he wont need medicine and the hospital. I ha...

This post will be out of my ordinary for sure........ What do you know about wrestling?  I have a lot of friends that know everything about the sport.  Not I, I began this little sporting endeavor of Paysen's knowing nothing more than the obvious......singlets, sweat, mats, fungus and rolling around.  Ha ha. To tell you the truth I wasn't very excited about starting down this road with Paysen.  I always knew he would wrestle because his daddy did.....but of all the sports, this one made me the most nervous.  I was so wrong to doubt. For those of you who were like me and don't know much about the sport let me give you some basics that I have learned.         Wrestling is intense......even at 6 years old, you are expected to show up for practice and work your little buns off......there is closed practice.....no mama there to watch, so no chance of whining and getting out of the work.      ...

Man have I ever missed writing......the reasons why I haven't been aren't very good.  I haven't felt like I have much to say lately. (I have plenty to say....but its crazy pregnant lady garble)  The miracle of life is not one that I take lightly.......I am in awe of the entire process.....completely aware of the awesome things that happen when life is being formed......That being said, being pregnant is not my favorite thing. I have tried so hard this time around to love it.  There are things that I love......feeling the baby move, watching my belly as I feel the baby move.....not having to lift heavy things....planning for the baby to arrive.  Please don't get me wrong, I know there are people who cannot easily be where I am, that having a baby is a privilege....and I appreciate the entire process and am so thankful for the life with in me.  I just don't feel great.  I feel like a sweaty, awkward, waddling, forgetful, emotional crazy person.  I ...

  This is destined to bounce back and forth....hitting here and there and possibly not making much sense.....bare with me, I can barely remember to comb my hair any more....."pregnancy brain" has done me in....... Parklen and I have been home from the hospital for exactly two weeks.  It has been a roller coaster since then........ With in a few days of arriving home, Parklen was perked up and doing so so well.  He was laughing a lot, breathing well and loving life.  Exactly one week home, and it all changed. I have refrained from updates and posts about Parklen over the past week.  I cant bring myself to face the music.  His symptoms are coming back.  Maybe he caught something his brother brought home from school?  Maybe something his dad brought from college.  Maybe.  What I know is this......we go back to Denver next week (already) He is going to receive a couple of IV medications.......going to see a billion doctors an...

It feels nice to have lots and lots of people thinking of your family and praying for you.  It is refreshing to know that, at a drop of a hat, people will be by your side!  I have been receiving so many messages and texts......filled with concern for our family, for me.  People are worried about Parklen for obvious reasons.....but people worry about me too. Possibly because I am six and a half months pregnant....possibly because people cannot imagine being in my place. I just want to let everyone know....I am OK!  I will admit, it is a bit harder being here while being pregnant.....It is a bit harder to contain my emotions.....I have to be sure to eat regularly, and I have to make 1.5 billion trips to the bathroom......but I am doing OK! Being alone down here isn't as bad as people think.  I am so used to it. I have spent over four years living this lifestyle.  If I ever needed, Devan would speed down in a moments notice.  I don't want t...

Parklen and his daddy.....four years ago..... Yesterday I entered a place where I never thought I would be again.  As I walked the long, stark white hall I felt a sense of de ja vous that I have never experienced before. My mind flew back to four years ago.......a life time away.....to a time so scary it surpasses all other experiences in my life.  I was alone then and found myself alone again.  No one to help bare this weight in this moment.  The sterile smells overwhelmed my nose, the sounds of monitors pierced my ears. Parklen and I were on our way to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit.  Parklen....today. It has been weeks since Parklen felt well enough to do much.  Weeks since we saw his tiny spirit.  Weeks since he was able to run around and not be constrained with wearing his oxygen.  He had been getting worse, much worse.  He was scheduled to be admitted this week for some testing and observation.  Things don't alw...

I am living a double life....... Every day I am multiple people all wrapped into one.  I live a "normal" life.  Loving wife and mother.  Attending wrestling practice, dropping and picking up my son from school.....cooking dinner, cleaning...(just kidding, I dont clean much) I try and put on my smile, I try and make small talk with people.  I do what I can. My other life is much darker than the average.  I force smiles to keep from tears.  I hold my youngest boy tightly......I adminester meds, I adjust oxygen...I prepare him for chest treatments, I clean up vomit and wipe tears.  I watch Parklen sleep.....I pray every moment.  I try to push down the emotions that rise in my throat.  I cry.  I cry a lot.  I think of the future and how much is unknown.  I worry.....I feel guilty about worrying because I know who holds the future. But I worry still. I struggle with lonliness....telling my best of friends they cannot come...