Tuesday, June 9, 2015

The weight.



Life moves quickly by....more so it seems every day.
The hours feel like minutes.....  and the minutes, quicker still.


It was just a couple of days ago that I was holding baby Phin..... right?!?!

and I swear......we just moved out of our apartment at Brent's place......



No matter the time that passes between our trips here.....it still feels like home.
The atmosphere....
The people.



 And my kids feel that way too....
They strut around this place like its theirs....
They know where to find what they need....
They know where to find who they need....
 While we were enjoying some time outside over the weekend I had many moments of remembering...
I would look at the kids and flash back to 21 months ago, when we had just arrived.
I saw a spot on the sidewalk where Parklen had sat to watch his brother play....
A shaded area under a tree where he had held his IV medication in his hand as it pumped into his port....
A giant frog where we sat on our first trip onto the playground....
The sites, the sounds, the smells....they took me back.


There was so much fear then.....unknown,
fear for tomorrows....
fears for the day.

There was a feeling of loneliness....
and this place....the people here....became my home...
and they will always be.
Everyone deserves a place like this....
a place where you are loved....where your family is loved....
Where the support is plenty and the care runs deep.
When I couldn't be home....this place brought home to me.
and I love it.

and this place, makes times like these easier to handle....


Tomorrow will mark the second time that Paysen will walk into the hospital for the sole purpose of helping his brother. This time will be less invasive.....no surgery.....
But, my 8 year old boy will donate a significant amount of his own blood....so that the doctors can remove specific cells that Parklen needs....
That's what my kid is doing tomorrow.....
and its a big deal.

Paysen makes me so proud....
not because he is fearless....
he is afraid,
he is nervous....
apprehensive...
He hesitated for a moment when they asked him to sign the paperwork....
But, he was given the option of two lines in which to write his little name...
one saying that he wanted to give...
one saying that he didn't...
and with no influence....just a moment of thought....he signed to give....
and what makes me proud is that he does that....even though he is afraid....
He fully feels the weight...
He fully understands....
and he does it anyway.

Paysen is a hero....
a real live...
breathing,
wrestling,
ball playing,
joke telling,
smelly footed...
hero.

Paysen is a hero because he is giving...
he is giving of himself...
for someone else...
he has nothing to gain,
besides the knowledge that he made someones life better.
That because of him....someone will be better...
and possibly some orange juice and crackers....
He is 8.

God has woven something so incredibly special into the fibers of Paysen's being....
Someday he will look back, maybe when he has children of his own....and he will truly feel the weight of his gifts to his brother....
My heart feels the weight tonight....
It is not an easy thing to witness....
As a mother....as their mother....
It is balanced and equally difficult....
One boy who needs something so much....and the other being the only one who can supply the need....

Thank God for Paysen.
Thank you God.
Thank you for creating such a special little boy.....
Thank you for giving him to Parklen.....
Thank you for giving him to me.