Monday, April 25, 2011

Happenings. . . .

Made this little guy a while ago. . . .not so sure about the stuffed animal making quite yet.- . .-

In the midst of our everyday chaos we Celebrate Easter, the day our Lord conquered the grave.
.  It was a perfect day according to my standards, Beginning with a Wonderful Church Service (minus the GIANT fit thrown by Parklen)  Followed by time spent with the family, taking some photos and enjoying the amazing weather. . . .Which reminds me, is it SUMMER YET? 

Sitting outside, laughing, being silly, and posing for some shots. . . .LOVE IT. 
Lunch was eaten on the porch, Eggs were hunted, fun was had....
We ate a Thanksgiving style dinner. . . .Our family plus my mom and Sister.
We dyed some eggs, We made some pie, we played a "friendly" game of Taboo, of which Devan and I RULED. . . we are super good at this game, We know each other so well that its not even a contest. We ALWAYS win. . . ALWAYS, and we will take on any challengers......

My three reasons. . . Reasons to smile, Reasons to love.....

Our family, This is what I always hoped for. . . This is what I am thankful for, This is what I am blessed with.

My husband, My best friend,  my other half.

Yes, Parklen is terrified in this picture, he had that same look when Devan took him down a water slide.
To be a mother, to always have someone to hold, to know a different love than any other, to give yourself away, to see proof of creation, to hug a gift from God. . . . . True blessings.

We three, it was us that was first a family, us three.  It started with two, then grew to three and for a while it was.  Our first boy, our life changer, our wrestling, drawing, singing, laughing. . . . . Paysen. 

Right now there is so much to be stressed about.  If I stop for a second and think about things I cannot control the tears that fall.  I find comfort in the chaos, comfort in Prayer and comfort in other's problems. I try not to think about whats happening inside my babies body.  I try to steer clear of dwelling. . .I try to be polite when I call The Children's Hospital every day to hear answers and still get none...........I try to hold him tighter when he cries, I try to kiss his chubby cheeks even more, I try to speak even sweeter when he wakes me in the middle of the night.  I try to give my all to Paysen when I can. . .try to ease his frustration with his crying brother. . . .But the truth is I feel sad, sad for both my children, sad for us as parents, sad for the waiting and sad that I feel sad. . . . .I know that in the end, God is in control, that's enough to get me through another day. 

Thursday, April 14, 2011

So it goes. . .

We have been home for a few days, and it has been chaotic. 

We found out that Paysen has to get glasses after he failed a screening at pre-school. . . .he was so cute at the eye doctor, the doc even said that he was the best 4 year old he had ever had.  He is excited to wear glasses (which cracks me up) I am excited that I only had to pay 20 dollars for the insurance that replaces them when he breaks them. 

Parky has been up and down since leaving the hospital, today is a really down day.  He has been sobbing most of the morning with no resolve.  You can just look at him and know he hurts.  There is nothing I can do. . .just hold him.  Paysen grows tired of the crying and in turn has his own meltdowns that include crying and hitting and screaming. . .hard to explain to a 4 year old. 

I heard from one of the Denver docs the other day, they haven't a clue what to do about the mass that was found in Parklen's colon.  He said that they are talking with doctors from around the country trying to decide the next step.  The waiting is hard.

Parky catching a soak in the hospital. . .they wrap his IV in a plastic bag. . .but you cant keep a boy from dunking his arm. . .plastic bag was no protection for that little IV.  This was his first hospitalization where he didn't pull any IV'S out. . .usually there are multiple. 
You get desperate when you are 2 and stuck in a room for days.  He raced around the room with this helicopter for hours. .also filled it with crayons. . . .

 We were happy to spend a couple days at Grandpa's.  He likes to pretend that he is grumpy all the time, but we know better. . . .he makes us breakfast and dinner and the boys just love him.  I love being there and that I don't have to cook. . . . .

Paysen is my artist, he can draw a picture of anything, and he can write like a 6 year old.  He loves to color and his imagination amazes me. 

Such concentration going on when he is "working"  This little bug melts my heart.  He will always be my first boy, he will always be the little man who changed my world forever and he will always be my bug.

I miss him so much when Parky and I have to go south. . .its not a fair thing for any of us.  Sometimes life isn't fair, and by sometimes I mean every day.  Fairness isn't something that happens a lot.  Focusing on what is fair and how you have been victim to the opposite will eat you up.  I don't think its fair whats happened to Parky, I don't think its fair that I have to drive away from my big boy so often, I don't think its fair the things that Devan and I have been through. . . but I choose. . I choose how to deal.  I can think of my "injustice" to no end, I can feel bad for myself, my family, my boys. . . I can dwell on the wrong.  But I wont.  I will, instead concentrate of what I have. ....and I have a lot.

Thursday, April 7, 2011


 My sweet Parklen, there is none like him.  He has abundant character and he is only two. (I am ignoring the fact that he turns 3 next month.)  He is sweet, he is strong. . .he is stubborn and he is smart.  He melts every one's heart who he meets. .. . .and he is mine, my baby.
What else can you do when your trapped in a hospital room? play hide and seek. . . this is the first time he got to stay in his Jammies in the hospital.  It didn't last long but he was so excited for the time it did.  He told every nurse, doctor, tech and therapist that came in the HE was Spider man. . .

Parky showing his enjoyment as he watches woody.
There is not a whole lot of options for a two year old who cant leave his room. Parky is obsessed with Toy Story 3. . .I mean really obsessed.  Since checking into the hospital we have watched it over 7 or 8 times. (we have also watched a few other flicks, there is a lot of time to kill)  I don't like to watch The third installment of the Toy story series because it REALLY makes me cry.  Call me an emotional baby, but I cannot sit through it without the tears.  I guess it makes me sad because it make me think of my boys growing up. . .going off to college, leaving home and not being included in my EVERY day.   BUT he just keeps on asking to watch Woody and Buzz-nightmare, yes he really thinks that's his name!

This kid and I have a bond. . . its not just the normal Mother-son bond. . .its more.  Its built on surgeries, sickness, pokes, sleepless night, comfort, facing fear, and always being together.  I've said it before but Parky doesn't have to wonder who will be by his side. . .he knows that his mommy is always there. 

How lucky could we be to have a view of the construction?  They are adding another wing to this wonderful hospital. . .and we get to watch the action. If you have a boy, you can imagine the excitement of watching this giant effort. 

There are so many wonderful things that happen within the walls of this hospital, I could take days to tell of the wonderful stories.  One thing that they do: they have a volunteer office, and these volunteers come by your room bringing gifts for your child.  A lot of these gifts are home-made by other children, families or just caring people.  This is the frog blanket that Parky received yesterday morning. . .he hasn't let go of it since

He fell asleep on his way to procedure yesterday. . .I pulled him along in the wagon and he just slept.  He didn't wake up until they tried to put him under. . . he is a tired boy.

I have learned a trick to Parky after any procedure, don't wake him up!  When he is awoken from anesthesia he freaks out, have had many recovery nurses tell me hes the worst they've seen.  So, I say to them, don't wake him up.  Leave him alone. . .let him sleep and THEN he wakes up better. . .on his own,

Parky cries, When he has had as much as he can take, when he isn't getting his way, when he wants his Datty(he says daddy in a very British accent) When he misses his brother, when he hasn't eaten in 28 hours, when Parky cries, he really cries. . . there is no stopping him. . .you cant do a thing but love him and let him cry. . .and so, when the nurses are coming in and out asking if I need a break from the crying, when they tell me they think I am going to go crazy. . .I smile, I smile and say "I'm not leaving my baby" so I let him cry, I hold him if he wants, I hold his hand if he doesn't. . .I look at him, I smile at him and I let him cry. 

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Driving to Denver this morning brought many thoughts to my head. . . Of course I was thinking of answers to a two year olds questions. . . "Mom, what would happen if a tree fell on our car?"  "Mom what would happen if i dropped my goldfish crackers into my water?"    But the deeper thoughts included revisiting who I was just over a year ago.   

It was February of last year that I first made that drive alone with my then one year old son.  All the times before were with Devan. . .he has lived all over and is good at driving wherever we may roam. Me, on the other hand, grew up in Douglas (a small SMALL town) and had never driven in a place larger than Cheyenne or Casper where we live. 

The days before I left I would cry, cry because I didn't want to carry this burden alone of going to the hospital, and cry because I had to at the time. . .but honestly I would mostly cry because I was scared of the drive.  Scared I would get lost, afraid I wouldn't be able to keep up with the Colorado drivers(come on they do drive fast!)    I know how silly this sounds but it was the truth at this time. 

It has been over a year of driving this drive alone. . . and I am secretly so proud of myself for doing it!  I get excited that I don't need the GPS, that I know when the exits are and which lane to be in. . . I get excited that I am OK to do it. 

The drive is peaceful in a way because I am doing it. . .just driving.  No crazy freaking out, no nervousness. . .just driving.

Today when we checked into the hospital they asked how I thought they could get Parklen to take a laxative every two hours. . .it has to be dissolved in 8 ounces of liquid and drank completely.  I thought for a second and then belted out "SODA"  the nurse looked at me strangely so I explained. . .my children are completely tortured. . .they aren't allowed soda, little juice and really only given milk or water. . I do get a little crazy sometimes and allow a glass of chocolate almond milk with dinner but otherwise I am pretty strict on what they eat and drink...  I KNEW that if they gave him the medicine in a sprite the kid would suck it down!!! I was right. . . they give you an hour to drink each dose and Parklen finished his in 5 minutes. . .

The lack of tears in this photo is reason enough to allow some Soda. . .he is pretty excited that he gets to drink it all day today and tomorrow morning. . . . the excitement may fade when the hunger sets in, he cant eat until tomorrow night. . . .

This is our view from the room, Parky loves to press his chubby cheeks against the glass and ask repeatedly, "what would happen if I fell down there?" and I say, "what do you think?" "I would get an owie."  I think he's right.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

How we ride. . .

It has felt like an eternity that we have been locked in doors, if its not freezing outside then Paklen hasn't felt well enough to go out.. . . . The weather is a changin!!

We had a wonderful time with some dear friends last night, it started with some chit-chat, turned to some home-made pizza, and ended with a night time family bike ride, outside wrestling matches with the boys, faces skinned on sidewalks, and a little bug adventure.

Little P's bundled up for some riding.

Parky and his best little buddy having some hugs!  These two will melt your heart and crack you up, they are pretty much the same size and they run after each other, copy one another's moves, and laugh non-stop. 
The Three boys, they were full of energy after our ride and spent some time taking it out on the grass, sidewalk and wrestling. (Some of these pictures are from Devan's Camera and I don't love the date in the corner. . . . . )
Our friends Cody, Courtney and Everette.  This is a family we are blessed to know.  Devan met Cody in College and the rest is history, good people.
After the ride I felt like I was going to VOMIT, it has been a while since I got myself a good workout and I am thinking it wasn't the best idea to choose a bike ride, pulling two boys behind me (that I might mention both weigh in at 36 pounds)  When I was so out of shape.  I was hurtin when we were done, but man I feel good this morning.
Devan looks so handsome, even in the dark. . . .we all wore headlamps  on our ride. .
The night was so peaceful, it was quiet. . .we rode the path along the river and could hear water trickling and roaring over the rapids. . .the sounds of the bridges creaking, and the boys laughing. 
The river made Paysen a little nervous, he repeatedly said,"mom, you be careful, you don't want to fall in the river. . ."   and he's right, I didn't.

Courtney and I, I feel the need to say that this girl rides her bike to work every day and runs like a maniac, she didn't break a sweat on this ride. . .I was SOAKED....

I didn't post the pictures where they were making weird faces, it was hard to find one where they weren't.  
In true boy style they were so excited about the bugs we let into the house, laughing in delight as they touched each tiny flyer.   Two certain men have convinced these poor boys that there is a giant bug creature that lives in the furnace at the Thomas house.. .Last night they finally caught a glimpse of it.   

I love the outdoors, I love to be outside, I love to ride my bike and go for walks and runs, and camp and fish and sit, and play and pretty much anything you can do outside the walls of your home. . . .The recent weather is lifting my spirits and filling me with excitement I can barely contain.  Here we go Spring!!!!

The spontaneity of my husband makes me smile, a night-time ride in the dark, nothing I would ever choose myself. . . .now added to my list of favorites.,