Thursday, August 27, 2015

Spinning....

It would seem that sometimes life takes us where we are not ready to go.
Life keeps moving when we would rather it stood still....
Like a child spinning round and round until they are too dizzy to stand....
Life can be that way.


When we hiked earlier this month....Parklen spent time running....


My life is that way.

You pray for something for so long....
and then it almost surprises you when the answer arrives....

The cells that Paysen gave to his brother at the beginning of summer....
Those glorious little cells...
You know the ones...
Well, it seems they were given in vain....
They did not complete the job they were intended for...
They did not work.
They had no effect on Parklen's being.

Devastating.

The hours Paysen spent in preparation....
the time he spent with a needle in his arm....
The tears he cried.
The fears he felt...

All for nothing....

I cannot even bring myself to tell him.
because it hurts my heart,
and I know it will hurt his too.

Where do we go from here?
Its possible that they will take more cells from Paysen down the road....
In a more invasive way....to achieve a better result.
How do I even entertain this in my head.....
I can't

I have to focus on other things....
Be thankful that I was given a child that is willing to help his brother out....in huge ways....no matter the outcome.

I have to focus on the fact that Parklen's doctors (in spite of my biggest fears)
have decided Parklen should go to school.

So, there it is....the prayer I have prayed....
the prayer I have asked you to pray....
"Let Parklen be a boy...."
and next week, he will be a boy that goes to school.

He will start out slow....a few hours each day....and hopefully work up to a full day!

I cannot lie.
I hate this.
This answered prayer...the one I asked for....
It is plaguing me.
Sending my glass egg...
into the world of children and germs and the uncertain.

I am sure it can mostly be blamed on the fact that I have seen it all....every moment in which Parklen has fought....and I feel uneasy about test results and data....and little things I notice more and more each day.....

But.

Sometimes life requires us to spin uncontrollably.
and then try and stand....
dizzy and shaken from the journey....
Sometimes you have to just close your eyes and trust....as you regain your footing.

Sometimes, you just have to send your kid to school.

Tears welled in my eyes today as a reporter doing a story on the boys, asked Parklen, "What makes you nervous about going to school?"  and he replied, "I will be away from my mommy."

Me too buddy....


Saturday, August 22, 2015

Hero among us






















There lives a super hero among us....
A boy.
A young man....growing ever quickly.
He is full of mischief....
often times ornery or full of sass....
He is boiling over with love...
in the form of kisses and hugs....

He is my daily reminder of many things....
to find beauty in each moment...
to appreciate the difficulties that parenting can bring....
to stop and smell the roses,
to breathe deeply....just because I can.

To always remember....
things that have been....

To soak up...
things that are...

And to look forward...
to things that will be....

As I look through pictures from this summer I find myself drawn to these two...
They speak volumes to my heart....
They illustrate strength....childhood....wonderment and imagination....
Because inside the body of this little boy...
resides a big hero.....

Remember that today is ever fleeting...
Tomorrow will be gone before long,
and this moment, right here and right now....
could very well be your last....

Embrace the beauty,
find it everywhere...

and when you are certain that the beauty is nowhere to be found....
Think of Parklen....
it helps me when I feel discouraged..
Because God has done amazing things with this boy...
and the best is yet to be..


Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Success

Today was a day like many others....
We woke up in Denver....
The five of us in the same room......
The city sounds bustling outside of the Brent's Place window....

I snoozed the alarm a couple times....
cursing Murphy's law and how it holds our children snugly tucked into their beds when we have places to be.....and wakes them when the morning is free from schedule....

We armed ourselves with a little breakfast and a whole lot of coffee and headed to the hospital...
We passed through the sliding glass doors....the same doors that have opened for us for over 7 years....the thresh hold that reveals another world....a world that is far from foreign to us...
There is little that is quite as classy as exam room selfies.....we. are. dorks.

Appointments...
Check ups.
Doctors,
nurses,
staff...
friends.

They surround us when we walk into clinic....
Each turn of a corner reveals another smile....
these people that I have known for longer than many friends back home...
the comments....
"I barely recognized Parklen."
"Had you not been with him Amanda, I would have never known who he was!"

I could stand and listen to past and present medical teams talk about Parklen for hours...I really could.  I hang on every word....the past, the present,...hopes for the future....
Its my language....


Paysen and Phinlynn disappeared today while Parklen was getting checked out by his doctor....
I never, for a moment, worried about where they were....I already knew...
Before long, Paysen busted open the door to the exam room with excitement....
He thrust a trophy up in the air and exclaimed, "Look what I got!!"
On the front of the trophy,  a bright neon post it attached to the front with scotch tape...
it read, "Best donor ever."  He showed everyone that trophy....
Sitting in the back seat of the Honda after leaving the hospital, he quietly polished it with his blanket.....
Phinlynn followed not long after with a smile.....

The clinic is packed full of people I love...people that love Parklen....
I honestly wish I could take these people home with me....
They know so much about our struggles....our fight for Parklen's life.....

Today, while talking with one of my favorite humans, who has worked with Parklen since he was very young...she said to me, "It was two years ago when Parklen almost died for the last time....can you believe he made it? That was hard."
My mind shot back to that time and the degree of hard it was....my chest tightens when I reflect upon those days.....and yeah....it was hard.
 I mean really really hard....

The overall consensus of the day was, "Parklen looks great."
It will be a few days to weeks before we hear back on his test results.....Then we will find out how well he received Paysen's gift this summer....The results will decide when he goes to school....what the next step will be....

You have got to love cell phone pics!  Today as I packed a bag I thought, I probably won't need my camera today.....

Phin has a rocking spidy hand!



As we left the hospital we walked by the radio station to see a group of super heroes standing on the other side of the glass....the beckoned us inside.
The kids met each one...including the officers in uniform....
They talked about each of the heroes...
Which was their favorite....
My eyes filled with tears when Parklen told the group of costumed men why Paysen was a hero... "He gave me his bone marrow..."
Paysen stood in front of us all as they clapped and cheered....
A SWAT member walked up and handed Paysen a challenge coin...."This is because you are an awesome hero..."
I love moments like that.
LOVE them.
My momma heart swells and I nearly explode with the pride I feel for the children that God has gifted me with....

 Tonight I am choosing to put the worries I have on the back burner....
I am choosing to bring the wonderful things that are happening right now to the front of my mind...
 Like Parklen eating in a restaurant with his family.....

Like sitting and watching Devan entertain all three kids with facts about fish in Bass Pro shop....
Like the amount of energy that Parklen has....
The dinner we spent together..
The little moments....
the little moments filled with the big feelings....

One woman today said it best..... "Parklen is a success story...."
Yes he is....
He is.
A success story....
of faith,
family,
fighting....