Monday, August 15, 2011

Mean kids

I heard the little boy at the top of the tube slide this morning...."get outta my way you stupid little fatty". Those are the words he said to My Parky. The crazy mother inside me wanted to climb up the slide to see which boy had said it and who knows what I would have done then. But there were too many kids and no one was fessing up to the mean words.

I have such a fear of how kids will treat my baby. He will Always be a little chubby from the steroids. Heart breaking.....the power of words on a mothers heart. Parklen didn't miss a beat at the statement but my eyes filled with tears instantly. Kids can be mean, really mean and I just don't understand. I hope to teach my boys that words can really hurt someone. Hope that they are kind and loving.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Wrapping up............

 We are wrapping up here in Denver today, and we are all ready to head home......Three days can feel like three weeks down here!!  This dose of treatment has been extra hard on all parties involved!  Parky is feeling the sting of the steroids extra strong this go 'round and the extra side effects have spilled over on his family.  He is more violent than I have seen him. Such a difficult thing to deal with, you cant punish him like you would a regular kid, he cant control his actions....they teach you certain things on how to "deal" with "roid rage" but its hard none the less..........I feel bad for him, I am sad that he is kicking me in the face, and at the same time sad because I know he doesn't feel good. 
 But the thing that really gets me is when he goes crazy on his brother.....have you seen the video clips of chimps attacking people? This is exactly what it looks like, and it happens so fast that you cant prevent it.  Paysen looks at me like "mom, why are you letting him do this to me?" and it breaks my heart.  I think about what it would be like to be the brother of Parklen, and I have decided it would be tough.  Paysen acts out in his own way, starving for attention.......I just wanna scoop him up and take him somewhere where everyone goes crazy over him! We walk into the hospital and its all about his brother, he needs somewhere where its all about him!!
 I have accepted this life of travel and hospitals as our norm, its just the way it is......but we are preparing to start a new norm......Parky is going to start pre-school for a couple hours a week this year. His doctor wants him to interact with some kids and see how he will do in a school setting....  This will be something to write about I am sure!! Should be an interesting tale!!  Going to be so hard for me to leave him, but so good....
 We met some family at Bass Pro Shop last night for dinner and exploring....My boys belong in a place like this!  They love to fish, so looking at the giant specimens in the tank is incredible to them!! 
Paysen would like to bring his swim suit next time so that he can swim along with the giant Cat fish....

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

To learn. . . . . .

Sometimes it takes a bucket to catch your fish!!!
You know, Life isn't easy....Its really anything BUT.  Stress is natural, it is cannot escape it.  I used to live my life in fear, allowing stress to suck me in, worrying about each step....rarely stopping to learn from my circumstances. 

Now, I HAVE learned.  I worry still, (although I try to avoid it.)  But never as much as before.  I am comfortable in my own skin, I feel good about the person I am, I feel strong, feel content.  God gives me these gifts.  I know that with HIM, I have nothing to worry about, I am in good hands.....I can get through anything, not by my strength but by HIS. 

Learning to deal with what your given in life is the only way to live.  I am learning that my idea of perfect doesn't always fit into the way that things are going to go.  That my picturesque dream as a child of my future family was far from reality... That having dirty little children- with big smiles is acceptable.  That going to the hospital is our norm, that being excited that Parky wants to sit still for his IV is an ok thing to get excited about......That bribery is sometimes your only option, That "Terrible Three's" trumps "Terrible Two's" in difficulty by leaps and bounds, That brothers fight.....that each day goes by more quickly than the last, and that loving people feels better than anything else.  I have learned that even when I feel like being lazy it always feels better to lace up my shoes and go out adventuring, that even when my boys say they don't wanna go for a bike ride, they will have fun, even if I have to stuff them in the trailer!!

Heading in for more treatments for Mr. Parkster tomorrow morning, looking forward to seeing more success!  He has had some really great days since his last set of treatments.  He says, "I will hold real still when they gib me the IB(IV)"  He says he feels better, I believe him. 

Were playing it low key in Denver this week, probably just hanging out.....more than likely hitting some walking paths and possibly a museum..........that'll do since we will be coming down again in three short weeks.....We are minus a daddy this go 'round, and on this first night away, he is already missed. 

There are people in my life that lift my spirits, when I let the stress get to me, they show up in big ways to show their love.  I am grateful for wonderful friends......Grateful for my life!
Some days, friends are all you need!!!!