Sunday, April 29, 2012

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This Photo has nothing to do with this post....but I like it.  And, I have been with out a computer until recently so I am WAY behind on photos....... 

I had a good weekend........spent a lot of time with some of my best friends.... Got a lot of baby holding in, and learned a lot of new things on Friday, Saturday began with Coffee and some hair chopping with another great pal and ended with a slumber party with some crazy ladies......and today, some Awesome Church followed by a whole lot of NOTHING..........

I am so thankful for the friends I have....old and new.  I am thankful for the ones who listen, to my problems and my worries.....I am thankful for the ones who talk and distract me from my whole life....and I'm thankful for the ones that love me.....NO. MATTER. WHAT.

Devan had a pretty good weekend too......His team took first place in the fishing tournament they entered this weekend.... Pretty cool!

The next couple of weeks are going to be busy.........we have a birthday party for Parklen, who is turning four.....(this topic will be saved for another post...I'm still trying not to think about it!) and next week he has a surgery..........

I picked up the mail from the weekend today....the surgery packet was there.  I cannot honestly count how many of these I have fingered through....studied and memorized.  I will confess....with each surgery, and each packet of preparation.....it doesn't get any easier.. It certainly gets more "normal" I know what to expect, I know "how" to have a kid going into surgery......but, my normal is still not easy.

The upcoming procedure is not the worst.....its more of a follow-up.  Making sure that Parklen doesn't have more growths to be removed from his colon....and Checking on the progression of his disease elsewhere......am I worried of what they might find? I try not to be, knowing that my worry doesn't change a thing....well except for my appetite.


Sunday, April 15, 2012

The weeds............

A few days ago, Parklen and I took a day trip to the Children's hospital.  It was a super long day, over 8 hours of driving and many hours in between of crazy appointments.....none of which went as planned.  It has become clear to me, after over three years of being a "regular" at a hospital....that when a Dr. says "we have a plan" it really just means...."we talked a little about this....were thinking its a possibility, but more than likely we will change our minds with in the next five minutes...."

Seriously, the term "practicing" medicine, is a true statement...there is no definite.  This is even more true when your son has a rare disease, of which very little trial and error have been compiled. 

So we traveled down....with a plan in mind.... and we left, with a new one.  Neither which are better than the other....just different.  

I will tell you all something right now......Parklen is more than loved by his doctors and nurses.  Its a huge hospital so there are new faces each time we go, however there is the core of his team that remains the same.  When we were getting ready to leave at the end of the day, each one of his care givers were in tears.  Its not because Parklen is too sick, its not because he is much better.....its because Parklen has a way of making you love him.....a way of touching your heart.  It comes natural to him, and I believe it is a gift that God blessed him with.  He can turn a situation around with just a hug....  Whether you are placing a needle in his port or checking the size of his Spleen....this kid looks at you, or hugs you and makes you feel.......wonderful.

Emotions were flying around like crazy in the exam room.....the realization that Parklen is going to be four years old in just a few short weeks, invoked tears.  It seems like just yesterday that we started this fight, then again, when you pause and think back it seems like ten years.  We are just all so pleased of this tiny human's presence....  We have managed to gain control over a lot of his symptoms..... and what we haven't been able to control yet, we are working towards.  We have watched a flourish of personality that we were not sure we would see......

Parklen was given a gift....a toy....for being a big boy during his port flush....Actually, each time we visit the hospital, we leave with many treasures.  At every turn, someone is offering your child....something.  The thing with Parklen, he wont accept one gift, unless they will give him another for his brother.  He says each time, "Can I have one for Paysen?"  and usually.....they dish out two goodies.

This was the first trip in HISTORY, when Parklen gladly walked to the car on his own. 

We stayed a couple nights with my grandma.......the boys loved it.  Nights away from home usually mean some nice snuggle nights with Mama....or dad if he's there.  Parklen bunked up with me on the hide-a-bed the first night... When he sleeps with me, he strokes my hair and cheek simultaneously..until he drifts to sleep, honestly this is where most of my acne problems come from.....I'm sure.  But its worth it.  I don't care what any parenting book, or advice given against sleeping with your kids says....every now and then it is a must.  There is, no other feeling....in the world of parenting that compares with the one you get, falling asleep in a cuddled hug with your baby.....  Both Devan and I agree..... we keep "our" space to ourselves.....but every now and then we declare a sleepover night and all four of us will huddle in......  One day soon, it will be hard to get a hug or kiss out of my little boys....I'm sure that one day soon they may be "too cool" for lovin up on their mama......and I don't wanna miss out on those times now.......



As we drove home from the hospital.....I felt a little despair.....two more trips ahead soon, and a surgery in each of them......As the tears were beginning to well I heard Parklen's little voice exclaim..."Mom, look at the field of BEAUTIFUL flowers......" I turned to see an empty lot, in it.....only dandelions.....  and I thought to myself....."Try to find the beauty within the weeds......." 

Sunday, April 8, 2012

New Beginninings

Paysen got new glasses a couple weeks ago.....he looks just as smart as he truly is.....

It has been a super busy week.......a whole lot of stuff has been crammed into just a few days.....I welcome chaos......honestly, could I survive with out it??.......Its just my norm.

Easter means so many different things to me........It is truly one of my most favorite holidays.  I am shaken daily with the thoughts of Jesus, and what he did so long ago.........and the extra, universal focus during Easter, hits me harder. Paysen asked Jesus into his heart a few months ago and since that day, conversations about my Lord with my five year old have contained much much Joy.  Last night we were talking about the cross, and the Resurrection......I explained to him that even if Paysen was the one and only person to believe in Jesus and ask him into his heart.....Jesus would have gone through with the cross anyway.  Telling this to my five year old is so easy, stopping and realizing that I am also loved that deeply is a bit harder.

Why is it so difficult to except love?  I STILL, to this day, have trouble escaping my past.....I struggle with forgiving myself for mistakes I have made.... even though I have already been forgiven.  The meaning of Easter brings new beginnings....and I am willing to except all that comes my way.  In the life I am living there just happens to be something new every day.


Easter comes with a bunch of other favorites for me as well........I jump at any opportunity to take some pictures......and any chance to get together with family.  Easter has it all.......


We had the traditional festivities.....the hunts, the coloring.....the baskets.......but I make a point to teach my children the true meaning....these other things are fine, and fun....but they are not what Easter is all about. 

Using a whisk for Egg coloring is a tip from a friend.....Shes been raving about it since last year....I now understand all the fuss......Super perfect for little fingers.
Parklen and I are preparing for a trip south this week.......lots of appointments shoved into one day, and I am not necessarily looking forward to it.......BUT, it is what it is, and I am so thankful that Parklen has so many wonderful Doctors....wonderful wonderful doctors....even if they are so far away.  The drive is worth the care.....and after our last encounter at the hospital here at home- it looks like Denver wants to teach me to do all of Parklen lab draws myself........should be, the beginning of yet another adventure....