I can not physically believe that it has been two years since the biggest day in Parklen's life. I can not.
Two years ago was the beginning of something new, for Devan and I, for Paysen, for Phin and mostly....for Parklen.
We didn't know what tomorrow looked like back on this day in 2013. The future was unknown.....just as it always is... but a big event, like a bone marrow transplant...brings that fact forward in your mind. It is so easy to "plan" for your future....for the future of your family, your children. It is so easy to live life as though you've got it figured out..... But believe me....You don't.
My life looks nothing like I had imagined it would at age 31... Its much different. I have spent a long 7 years running a race for my son... and my destination today, the place in which I currently stand, is different than I ever thought it would be.
I learned that life is fragile, and scary.
I learned that hope is never, ever wasted. That the nights I spent crying out from the corner of a hospital room...hoping for a miracle...praying...were not in vain.
That a first grader with gaps in his teeth and freckles on his nose....can be a hero in the true sense of
I learned that God answers prayers in His time....and not mine.
I learned that 5 years worth of tears can come together to wash sickness away.
I learned to never take small things for granted.
I learned that our moments here are numbered....and second chances are a gift.
Parklen is at school today. School. The place where children go....to learn and grow.... A building filled with other children. He isn't alone downstairs with a teacher all his own.... but in a classroom, surrounded with friends and listening to a teacher that he adores...a teacher that he picks his clothes out to impress every day. He tells us the best things about school are that "kids like him." Or that he, "has friends." He loves it.
He barely remembers what happened two years ago....barely. And the years before that???? He can't remember much of them either. Isn't that something?
He can't remember fighting for his life....he says he can't remember a lot. That he remembers that he was sick and couldn't walk, and that he couldn't breathe....but most of the rest has fallen away. Its gone from his mind.
In two years, our world has changed. In more ways than could be counted. Parklen has a life. Paysen and Phinlynn have a brother. We have a family that rarely is separated. We aren't miles away from each other every month. We have days with out medicine.... Nights without tears. Devan and I have two sons....that are equal in most ways now... We have average...and happy days. We have messiness and chaos...practices and lessons.. We have homework and reading...
I watched my boys walk together onto the playground this morning....and my heart grew. What would life look like today, if we hadn't decided to take the risk of transplant... If we had been too afraid to jump. The doctors say, Parklen's life would have been very short...that his days would have been numbered. Had we not, would Paysen had been walking onto that playground alone today?
I will never take this life for granted.
I will never forget that tomorrow is not in my hands.
That security comes from a relationship with God....not from my own wishes...
Who knows what our future will look like....but today....looks pretty good....
and that's just enough for me.