Thursday, September 22, 2011


Today you are five.......I cannot believe it.    It was five years ago that you came into our lives, five years since my world was forever changed.  

Paysen you are the funniest person I know, big or small.  You are my best little buddy and you melt my heart every single day. 

You told me just yesterday that, and I quote....."all I wanna do when I get big is build a house right next door to you so that I can come over every day"  When I told you that your wife probably wouldn't approve, you simply stated..."well, I will just tell her that's the way it is."

You tell me that I am the best mommy in the world, you tell me that I am so cute.  You say I'm the best at cooking, and that I am your best friend.  You know just what to say and just when to say it.....When I am feeling sick and laying down you take your precious little fingers and stroke them across my forehead and say "sleep my little princess."  

You made me a mommy....you showed me a love I would never have known.   

 I know one day we wont be this close....one day you will see just how big of a dork your mommy really is.  One day you wont want to hang out.....you will change your mind about who is the best.....One day....
But. not today...

Five years have gone so fast....sometimes I am sure that you feel like you fade into the background with all that happens with Parklen.,.....you are always at the front of my mind.  No one else can take the spot of "my first"  You mean the world to me........

Happy Birthday To My little man......

Monday, September 19, 2011

My boys are in school, even my little baby…… Sending him to school was one of the hardest things I can remember doing. Walking out of the building, listening to him scream my name and knowing that he was in someone else’s care- took my breath away. I mean literally, made it hard to breathe. I am his mom, he is my baby…and harder than leaving Paysen, is leaving Parklen. I love them just the same. Not one more than the other….its just so different with Parklen. I know that Paysen is going to be ok when I leave him at school. I know that he will be. But Parklen, it scares me. You never know what will happen with him, and I guess that’s how it will always be. I will always breathe harder when I walk away from him, I will always wonder who isn’t washing their hands before they touch him, think about him getting sick and him wondering why I am not there to comfort him.



It is quite a triumph to have him there, at preschool. Quite. His doctors still don’t know what will happen with his schooling, they don’t know how his body will hold up to the exposure. BUT some didn’t think he would be going to preschool at all.

I am trying to ignore the fact that after only 4 days at school Parklen came down with Pneumonia. Trying to think positive, concentrate on getting him better not on how I pushed him into a social situation full of germs………….yup, ignoring that part.

I was also told that He wouldn’t be close to potty training until well after age 5.…well he is working hard at it NOW… Yes, he is a potty training maniac, waking up at night to go, asking to pull over in the car, and dropping pants and squatting right at the park in the middle of his brother’s Birthday Party.


Paysen is in his third year of preschool, his last before Kindergarten. He is an old pro, and loves school so much. The most exciting part for him is “bring your own lunch Monday’s” He gets so excited about packing his lunch, and carrying it into school. I think he feels so grown up. Which, he is.
He is turning 5 this week, crazy…… We celebrated his big day a couple weeks early, so that we could be outside and not worry about the weather. It was a great party, tons of fun and a sunshine sky. I am again, choosing to ignore the downside, (hundreds of uninvited wasps that swarmed throughout the party.) BUT, lots of people were there and no one from the party got stung…

I cant think about Paysen being 5 without almost choking on the lump in my throat.. it’s a big lump. The tears fill my eyes and I just cannot believe the speed at which they grow. One moment you are holding your newborn, the next they are five, FIVE. I will give him his own post on his real birthday….

The routine of daily life is starting to fall into place. We are getting the swing of things. In spite of the Pneumonia, the tears of goodbyes, the wasps, the growing up….things are going ok.