Friday, March 29, 2013

I have.......

I have a four year old that likes to choose his preference of anesthesia.......
this takes most doctors by surprise.......
He knows what works best for him.
I have the four year old that holds the mask to his own face as he breathes deeply to go to sleep for surgery. 

I have a four year old who can tell you how they insert a mediport into your chest......
can tell you what an MRI is, a CT scan.....
a surgery........

I have a four year old who understands the concept of having medicine to stay well.
I have a four year old who amazes nurses and medical staff at his ability to take grown up size pills with ease........

I have a four year old who giggled uncontrollably when they fitted him with his hearing aide and he was able to hear us whisper to him.......
I have a four year old who rocks the headband hearing device and believes me when I tell him it is cool.

I have a four year old who voices his hopes.....that one day, he wont need medicine and the hospital.

I have a four year old who loses control......suffers the effects of a rotten medicine that helps and hurts equally.

I have a four year old who worries about not being the "baby" anymore.

I have a four year old who finds great joy in elevator buttons...........

I have a four year old who prefers pancakes, pudding or oatmeal over dinner food.......

I have a four year old with crazy hair, a dirty face and a desire for tons of love.




I have a six year old with eyes so blue that no editing is required on his photos......

I have a six year old who has lost more teeth than most his age (quite a few from clumsiness)

I have a six year old who worries about his brother.
Who tries so hard to understand, but falls short and turns to fear.

I have a six year old dying for attention from the many that gush over his brother.

I have a six year old who can turn any activity into a form of art........
one that can draw a masterpiece in a matter of moments.

I have a six year old who carries a large part of my heart, a small boy who gave me my greatest job...................mom.

I have a six year old who is nervously awaiting the birth of his little sister and declares that he isn't doing diapers......but he will be a helper.

I have a six year old who strives to be the best he can,. but sometimes feels as though he isn't good enough.
Who often asks, "do people like me?" 

I have a six year old who melts me with his toothless grin, big blues, freckle dotted face and food on his lips.


I have a daughter whom I haven't yet met.......
a little girl who is destined to change our lives......

I have a daughter who is perhaps and answer to an unspoken prayer............
I have a daughter that already holds a piece of my heart............
a little girl, that we are so excited to meet.



I have a partner in this life.......
a husband who drives me crazy.......
a man that finds a way to make me laugh, even when its the last thing I want to do.

I have a partner who smiles and gives me butterflies......
a husband, father of my children.......
a man who makes me feel beautiful, even when I don't believe I am.

I have a partner........
a husband......
a man that I love......

I have a family,
a group of crazy, lovely people.....
four of us, soon to be five.

I have more than I could ever dream to wish for...........
I have a cup that spills over........
a God who blesses me each moment.......

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Wrestle....

This post will be out of my ordinary for sure........

What do you know about wrestling?  I have a lot of friends that know everything about the sport.  Not I, I began this little sporting endeavor of Paysen's knowing nothing more than the obvious......singlets, sweat, mats, fungus and rolling around.  Ha ha.

To tell you the truth I wasn't very excited about starting down this road with Paysen.  I always knew he would wrestle because his daddy did.....but of all the sports, this one made me the most nervous.  I was so wrong to doubt.

For those of you who were like me and don't know much about the sport let me give you some basics that I have learned. 
       Wrestling is intense......even at 6 years old, you are expected to show up for practice and work your little buns off......there is closed practice.....no mama there to watch, so no chance of whining and getting out of the work.
       Wrestling is intense.......Not every kid gets a trophy.....  this happens to be my most favorite part of the sport.  I have such trouble accepting the attitude of sporting events for our children these days.  Every child is handed a trophy or ribbon, we don't always keep score, there aren't any losers...... Which shows our kids that no matter what.....they win.  Wrong.  Try living on planet earth with that attitude....growing up with the idea that you are entitled to a reward whether you earn it or not.  Wresting breaks this rule.  If you lose, guess what.....you lose. 
      
    Wrestling is intense.......So yes, if you lose....you lose.  But the up side to this is, if you win.....you win.  It is a personal sport.....you cannot rely on anyone else on that mat but yourself.  If you work hard and come out on top....its you that earned that win. 
       Wrestling is teaching Paysen discipline, drive and sportsmanship.  Let me just tell you, he has made his parents so proud.  He hasn't won every match, quite the contrary.....however he has worked so hard, learned so much and proven to be a diligent little dude. 
      

    
 I am slowly learning the rules, I am quickly learning my love for the sport.  Watching my little man on the mat is so emotional, and so exciting.  Watching him smile, win or lose is so sweet.  He doesn't yet understand the scoring so he doesn't pay attention to the score board and just works like crazy until they tell him to stop. 
      We took the weekend off of tournaments this week, he needed a break.  We do not want to burn him out on something we hope he will continue for as long as possible.

Having little boys was something that I never imagined for my life.  I always assumed I would have girls as my mother did.  Having little boys is something that has filled my cup, excited my soul, and taught me a love that I believe I otherwise would have never known. 

I was looking though pictures from the last couple months......I found these jewels from a trip to one of our most favorite places on earth.  When we go to visit our friends that live in the little town, in the house that sits on the little lake.....we feel at home.  The boys relax there, I relax there.  There is a family member for each of us to "play" with. 
This is what happens when you start a snow ball fight with your dad and his buddy...
my handsome love.

Parklen loves when he gets a chance to be outside.
 
The mama is one of the most talented ladies with a sewing machine that I have ever known and has helped with the nursery for baby "P" (I need to do a post on the nursery)  Her husband has been friends with Devan for many many years....and they have two beautiful boys for ours to play with. We will be planning a trip back very soon.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Random

Man have I ever missed writing......the reasons why I haven't been aren't very good.  I haven't felt like I have much to say lately. (I have plenty to say....but its crazy pregnant lady garble) 

The miracle of life is not one that I take lightly.......I am in awe of the entire process.....completely aware of the awesome things that happen when life is being formed......That being said, being pregnant is not my favorite thing.

I have tried so hard this time around to love it.  There are things that I love......feeling the baby move, watching my belly as I feel the baby move.....not having to lift heavy things....planning for the baby to arrive.  Please don't get me wrong, I know there are people who cannot easily be where I am, that having a baby is a privilege....and I appreciate the entire process and am so thankful for the life with in me.  I just don't feel great.  I feel like a sweaty, awkward, waddling, forgetful, emotional crazy person. 

I spend much of every single day trying to remember what it was I was going to do.  Trying to remember where I put things.....where I was driving to.....what so and so said about such and such.  Its frustrating.  I spend the rest of my time weeping....for no apparent reason at all.

Paysen has been telling people that, "the baby in my mommy's tummy makes her forget things and cry"  :)

Last week was Spring break for Paysen and Devan.....Devan spent the week working.  Paysen spent it at home with his brother and I.  It was a wonderful week.....nothing on the agenda.  Time spent building with Lego's, baking, watching movies.....hanging out.....just relaxing.  I loved every second of it. 

Parklen's health was stable......and having both of my boys home was heaven.  I still get sad when I drop Paysen at school.  I will never be the parent that gets excited about sending them off.  I love to be with them, to catch a glimpse of their little lives as they every so quickly pass me by.  They grow far too fast and I so wish I could freeze time and keep them by my side forever.....

The week went  too fast.  It was over almost as quickly as it began.  Dropping Paysen off at school on Monday, yanked at my heart. 

Devan and I discussed the other night, how quickly it feels like Paysen is slipping away.  Like he is growing up so fast, too fast.  How it seems like yesterday that we brought him home.... It felt real to me the other night when he refused to hold my hand as we walked into Wrestling practice.  "not right now mom." 

On the other hand of things, we have Parklen.......He has been doing very well by "Parklen standards"  He finally received the breathing machine we had been waiting for.....he has been able to spend quite a bit of time off of oxygen during the day, he has had no fevers, no vomiting, he has been gaining strength each day.....is back in physical therapy.  Improving all the time.  He gets to stretch out his monthly Denver visit an extra week this go round.....I took him to a store today, something that I never do.  He hasn't been to the store with me in probably six months.  Big deal.  I am thinking about letting him return to preschool for a day a week......its just a hard decision because I don't want him to go backwards, and he will be around kids, and kids mean germs, and germs mean....you know what.  I suppose the alternative isn't much better though......growing up with little to no interaction is not ideal.  He needs friends, I just wish it wasn't such a risk.

We have been busy with Paysen and his wrestling.......I love it.  It was something I entered into a little hesitant....but am ever so thankful to have my child involved in such a venture.....it deserves a post of its own. 

I havent picked up my camera much lately.....that makes me sad, and determined to begin again. 

 Henderson's are just chugging along.....growing babies, going to college, rocking wrestling and feeling "well"  Thankful for this beautiful day.