Man have I ever missed writing......the reasons why I haven't been aren't very good. I haven't felt like I have much to say lately. (I have plenty to say....but its crazy pregnant lady garble)
The miracle of life is not one that I take lightly.......I am in awe of the entire process.....completely aware of the awesome things that happen when life is being formed......That being said, being pregnant is not my favorite thing.
I have tried so hard this time around to love it. There are things that I love......feeling the baby move, watching my belly as I feel the baby move.....not having to lift heavy things....planning for the baby to arrive. Please don't get me wrong, I know there are people who cannot easily be where I am, that having a baby is a privilege....and I appreciate the entire process and am so thankful for the life with in me. I just don't feel great. I feel like a sweaty, awkward, waddling, forgetful, emotional crazy person.
I spend much of every single day trying to remember what it was I was going to do. Trying to remember where I put things.....where I was driving to.....what so and so said about such and such. Its frustrating. I spend the rest of my time weeping....for no apparent reason at all.
Paysen has been telling people that, "the baby in my mommy's tummy makes her forget things and cry" :)
Last week was Spring break for Paysen and Devan.....Devan spent the week working. Paysen spent it at home with his brother and I. It was a wonderful week.....nothing on the agenda. Time spent building with Lego's, baking, watching movies.....hanging out.....just relaxing. I loved every second of it.
Parklen's health was stable......and having both of my boys home was heaven. I still get sad when I drop Paysen at school. I will never be the parent that gets excited about sending them off. I love to be with them, to catch a glimpse of their little lives as they every so quickly pass me by. They grow far too fast and I so wish I could freeze time and keep them by my side forever.....
The week went too fast. It was over almost as quickly as it began. Dropping Paysen off at school on Monday, yanked at my heart.
Devan and I discussed the other night, how quickly it feels like Paysen is slipping away. Like he is growing up so fast, too fast. How it seems like yesterday that we brought him home.... It felt real to me the other night when he refused to hold my hand as we walked into Wrestling practice. "not right now mom."
On the other hand of things, we have Parklen.......He has been doing very well by "Parklen standards" He finally received the breathing machine we had been waiting for.....he has been able to spend quite a bit of time off of oxygen during the day, he has had no fevers, no vomiting, he has been gaining strength each day.....is back in physical therapy. Improving all the time. He gets to stretch out his monthly Denver visit an extra week this go round.....I took him to a store today, something that I never do. He hasn't been to the store with me in probably six months. Big deal. I am thinking about letting him return to preschool for a day a week......its just a hard decision because I don't want him to go backwards, and he will be around kids, and kids mean germs, and germs mean....you know what. I suppose the alternative isn't much better though......growing up with little to no interaction is not ideal. He needs friends, I just wish it wasn't such a risk.
We have been busy with Paysen and his wrestling.......I love it. It was something I entered into a little hesitant....but am ever so thankful to have my child involved in such a venture.....it deserves a post of its own.
I havent picked up my camera much lately.....that makes me sad, and determined to begin again.
Henderson's are just chugging along.....growing babies, going to college, rocking wrestling and feeling "well" Thankful for this beautiful day.