Sunday, July 21, 2013

26 days.............




Twenty six days ago I loaded the Honda up with enough stuff for a one day trip to Denver.......

Four Wednesdays, Four weekend visits with our other half....624 hours.....Twenty six days....and Parklen, Phinlynn and I are still here.

Parklen's illness has seemed to steadily increase...as time has gone on, each flare up has outdone the last.  This was the worst one yet.  This one made him sicker than he has been,  this one caused concern in everyone that knows Parklen.  This stay in the hospital included a tiny infant to nurse and care for.....this stay included frequent discussion about Parklen's future....and a three ring binder handed to every parent about to take their child into a bone marrow transplant. A binder filled with facts......a binder that will make your mommy tummy churn......

I have spent much time thumbing through the pages of this BMT book.....reading over risks, skimming through rules.....every moment realizing that if I EVER thought my life was hard up until this point....the coming months would make the past look easy.  I have tried to convince myself that Paysen is going to be fine, that he will continue to be a wonderful and amazing boy.....even without seeing his mother every day.  That my marriage will survive.......that Phinlynn will never know the difference between a life at home and one spent split between the hospital and an apartment. 

I must admit, I know we are heading where we must.....I know that Parklen needs this transplant.....but I am scared to death.  I don't doubt my faith or question God......but, as a mother, I am so afraid.  I am afraid of how fragile life is, I am afraid of the unknown.......I am afraid for my baby 

Ive also been thinking about the after.....the day when Parklen isn't sick.  Thinking about nights full of sleep, days filled with playing and laughter instead of medicines and treatments......thinking about making decisions based upon other things then how Parky feels.  Going to the store or church without worrying it will lead to the hospital.  These thoughts give me hope. 

There is a chance we may head home this week.....if Parklen is able to keep up on his feeds!  We will spend a couple weeks there before returning to another surgery.  I cannot wait to plop into my own bed.....have some REAL food.....spend some time without beeping monitors and constant intruders. 

Things aren't going to be the same as they were when we left.....we have a huge list of rules.  We have to protect Parklen.  We have to try our hardest to keep him in shape for the upcoming surgery and his future transplant.  Its not going to be easy.....the list of rules is quite extensive....but for the sake of our boy we will do what we must!

13 comments:

  1. Amanda I have said it many times but one more time will not hurt, YOU ARE MY HERO!!!! I look at what you and Devan have walked through with Parklen with the help of God and your faith and I stand in awe of the Great Lord that we serve. Don't tell me there is not a God!! All I have to do is watch you walk by faith and watch him hold you up. Thank you for teaching me so much about this wonderful Savior that we follow and love and trust for everything. The Adkins family prays non-stop for Parklen and the rest of your family. The Adkins family loves the Henderson family so much!!! I told Devan Friday on his drive down that I will do anything in my power to help you guys when you are in Denver for 6-12 months during the transplant. God is good, oh so very good and through your walk I see that. Thank you....

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  2. Hoping Parklen's transplant went awesomely and that he, you and the rest of your family are looking toward a future full of healthy, fun memories and no more hospital worries. :)

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  3. Praying for FULL restoration of Parklen!

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  4. So much light and love to you and your family! Praying for you!

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  5. I don't know you personally, but after a friend posted your story recently on Facebook, I couldn't NOT show it to the best team out there full of love and support and prayers from afar.
    Praying for your strength, knowing you're in incredible hands, and hoping all is well. <3

    Naomi

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  6. Sending out all of the good vibes to you and your family for Parklen's recovery! Big virtual hugs of support and wellness to you and your family.

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  7. Thank you all for the love! Parklen has not received his transplant. He still needs to regain a lot of strength before he would have a fighting chance! Looking like a couple months! Keep up the prayers!

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  8. Sending hopeful wishes and thoughts your way. He seems like a strong little man who will fight no matter what comes his way. Prayers and hope for you and your family. Hugs from Green Bay, WI.

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  9. Praying everything goes well for Parklen and your family. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way!

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  10. Praying for Parklen and your whole family.

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  11. Praying for you and your brave family x

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  12. Hugs to Parklen and your amazingly tough family! He is a strong little dude and I hope and pray for only good things in your future from this point on....Love from Milwaukee WI.

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  13. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. If only we could fast-forward through the tough times in life but sometimes that is just not possible. Hoping that the healthy, happy days are just around the corner.

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