Tuesday, October 29, 2013

{zero}

Today will go down in the books as the longest day ever........

Day Zero.
Transplant day.
The new beginning.

We started the festivities this morning at 4:00 AM......After just going to bed a couple of hours earlier, this was pretty early!!!!

Paysen and I headed down to check in for his surgery....you could see the nerves on his face, I could feel them in his tiny hand that I held with in mine..
He had been looking toward this surgery for over a month.
There had been so many delays, I can only imagine the things that were going on in My big boy's head......

He mustered the strength to show a brave face, however difficult.

We checked him in and headed up.
He took comfort in having both parents present for him.
He listened as the "Sleep doctor" told of what she would do.....
as we watched him we could see the clock ticking, he was growing more nervous.

Paysen had a traumatic event in the operating room.
It was the worst thing I have witnessed before a surgery EVER.
I have witnessed quite a few surgeries....always walking Parky back and staying there until he fell asleep......I know what it looks like, I know the right procedure, I know a good thing when I see it.
I also know a bad one.....
I am choosing not to talk more about this right now, mostly because I want to focus on the amazing things that happened today.........I don't want to think about it anymore and I don't want it to be the story I tell.......

Once back in surgery, Paysen did wonderful.  They were able to collect enough marrow for the job, with minimal incisions.....It was what we had prayed for.

Recovery for our Hero went smooth......after a three or so hour surgery, he did much better than expected.

He was sore but smiling.

Not long after making it up to his room he got sick.......
He snoozed for a while and woke up a mellow version of our big P.



All the while that Paysen was being prepped and operated on and taken care of in recovery, Parklen was being looked after by one of his favorite nurses.......they were just waiting. 

The moment that Paysen was wheeled into Parklen's room will live on in the memories I carry with me.....forever.
It was such a sweet moment and such an overpowering of emotion.
There were very few words spoken, mostly just looks.
Paysen took a seat next to Parklen's bed in order to watch as his gift was given to his brother.


As Parklen noticed the pain that Paysen was in, as he studied his brother's IV, as he realized that Paysen had actually just gotten surgery, he leaned in close.  His words came to me in a whisper.... "Mom can we please pray for Paysen to feel better?"  and so we did.

There were many glances shared as we sat and waited for the marrow to come up from the lab.
Everyone was excited and nervous.
There wasn't a lot of talking.

I have lived with fear and anticipation of this day for so long.

I have watched my youngest boy endure so much pain.
I have watched in complete helplessness as he has suffered......helpless in every way, except my ability to pray.
I have watched with nothing to offer him besides a comforting touch and faith.

Today I watched as my eldest child, my special and crazy wonderful son gave a piece of himself for his little brother.

As I think back over the past five years, I can see every moment like a movie trailer....they all flash by quickly but oh so vividly.....the tears cannot be stopped when I think about Parklen's life up until now.

What hurts the most comes later..... 
When I take the same images that I see,
when I put those images on and imagine them through the eyes of a two year old, a three year old, a four, five, six and now seven year old.....
To think about how awful things have been to me as Parklen's mother, and then realize the horror that the past five years have undoubtedly been for Paysen.

He has watched Parklen every step of the way.
He was just barely two years old when we started this journey.....can you even imagine?
The things he has witnessed.
The pain he has seen.
All happening to his little brother.
The best friend that was born after him.
The tiny boy that he knew he was supposed to watch out for and protect....and he has never been able to stop any of this.

Today, Paysen made more a difference in Parklen's life than he may ever realize.
He made a huge difference in mine.

Often times things end up being all about us.
It is hard to focus on anything past the tip of our noses.....
We get caught up in our every day problems.

How amazing is it that my seven year old donated life to his brother.
Gave himself away so selflessly.



Finally, I watched as the cooler arrived....followed by a handful of nurses and the doctors overseeing Parklen's care.

I swear it felt as though my heart stopped. 
It was time.

The problem with Bone Marrow Transplant is that it is quite anticlimactic.
You do this horrible preparation and testing all to sit in a bed and have it pushed in through your line with out feeling a thing.  There is no BAMM....there is just a simple and nice infusion.

We all watched as they started the infusion.
The room was full.
Us, doctors, nurses......
we watched.

It went perfectly.
Smooth.
and then, it was done.


A friend brought Parklen his request of Pumpkin pie, and the boys celebrated with a slice.......a slice to a new life.

Paysen is sucking up the attention.....and he deserves every second of it.
He deserves so much recognition.
He has surpassed all the expectations that I ever had long ago, of my future children.
One day, I have faith that the boys will look back on this day.....look through the hundreds of pictures I took and remember.....they share a bond like no other.

Paysen gave a gift that no one else on this earth could have given.
A matching sibling donation of his bone marrow.
A small bag filled with life.

What a blessed day.
What a day filled with miracles.
What a wonderful gift I have received as the mother of two of the world's greatest super hero's.




My boys are finally both tucked in.
Each in their own hospital room.
Right next door to one another.
Neighbors.
Brothers.
Best friends.
Blessings.

15 comments:

  1. This is a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it!

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  2. you and your family are such an inspiration, your faith, love & support. thank you for sharing this amazing story..xo

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  3. AMAZING truly touched my heart my god bless you all

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  4. This is truly amazing and inspiring. I will pray for your boys and your family.

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  5. Words can't really express how your journey has touched my heart today. Although it's been a long time since I've seen you, my love goes to you and your dear family, Amanda. Please know that we continue to pray for all of you. Your smiles are dear, especially the boys. Yes, best friends they are! LB

    "In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

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  6. Brought tears to the old man's eyes. What a wonderful story of love.

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  7. God Bless and Protect you all.

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  8. Sending light and love your way and hoping things will now turn around for your family.

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  9. So beautiful- a brother laying down his life for his own brother!

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  10. Blessings indeed. Such a beautiful story. Praying for all of you!!

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  11. You all are in our thoughts and prayers! God's blessings.

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  12. So amazing!!!! What a gift!!!! Thanks for allowing us a glimpse into your journey. It is a gift to all of us!!! Blessings!!! Gerise

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  13. God bless you and your family! This is such a touching story. I'm glad to hear that both boys are doing well and so are both mom and dad. It takes strong and caring parents to create wonderful children as you have. I pray every day for medical miracles due to something we are facing and hearing your story gives me the will to keep doing so. Thank you for sharing.

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  14. ty for sharing this wonderful story, I had a bad day at work, feeling like bottom is falling out of my world. How small this is compared to what you and your family are going through. God bless and keep all of you, hope for all the best. <3

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