Saturday, October 5, 2013

Here we go






Tomorrow Parklen will check in to the hospital.  He will spend the day being pumped full of fluid in order to get him super hydrated.  The following morning he will begin his first day of Chemotherapy. 

In the bone marrow transplant world they mark the days with numbers.  Tomorrow will begin the count...  Tomorrow is day -8.  They count negative days until the day of transplant......Transplant day is day ZERO.....followed by a count of positive days. 

The first 100 days after transplant are the hardest.  We can expect Parklen to be in the hospital for weeks after transplant......at least.

Today was our last day together out of the hospital setting for a while.......we tried to enjoy each other.  Sadly, a lot of our time was spent watching Parklen sleep on the couch......but we managed to have a little bit of fun.  Games, movies......treats.....each other.

There was a terrible storm back home and I was certain that Devan wouldn't make it this weekend.....but he did.  I am so thankful for that.....and so were the kids.  He will go with me to check Parky in, then he will head back North.....I wish it wasn't so.  I wish that he never had to go.

The coming week is going to be a tough one....Chemo is scary..  The side effects are many...  The degree of aggression that they have chosen for Parklen's disease consists of many drugs.....and with all of the talk of skin sores, mouth sores, upset stomach, fatigue and other side effects, the only one that is causing Parklen to worry is when we tell him he will lose his hair.......  He doesn't want to lose it.   It is the reason we all cut ours short.....him included.  I think it may be a control thing and not wanting anything taken from him....I don't really know.  I can only speculate what he is feeling...only imagine what is going through his mind.  As his mother, I can barely go a moment with out thinking about things.....questioning things in my mind.  Who knows what that looks like in the mind of a five year old. 

There has been years of discussion... 
years of battling....
years of sickness....
years of heartache....
years of pain....
months of preparation....
all that have lead us to this point.....
the point of no return....
the point where we don't look back...
the point where we move forward...
forward with faith....
forward with hope....
forward.

Deep breath.......and here we go.

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