Friday, March 30, 2012

Sometimes

Sometimes the mountain you've been climbing seems unbearable...........

But when you look back to see how far you've come......it doesn't hurt quite so bad.



Sometimes in life you have no choice but to hang on for dear life, and pray that you make it through the day.  

Sometimes in life, someone notices your struggles....a stranger, and gives words of encouragement to lift you up.

Sometimes in life, you realize that you have no control of anything.......

Sometimes in life, you come to find that "normal" is overrated and your own "normal" suits you fine.

Sometimes in life, you are forced to make difficult decisions...........

Sometimes in life, you make the wrong ones,  Every now and then you may choose the right path......

Sometimes in life, you can be extra thankful that this earth is not your permanent home, that there is something wonderful and completely perfect awaiting you.

Sometimes in life you feel defeated,

Sometimes in life you don't................

Sometimes in life you come to understand that "this life" is so much bigger than you.....The big picture is often hard to see.

Sometimes...................

Being thankful for rough nights like this, that help me appreciate the not so bad ones.........
Being MORE thankful that God granted me a bit of peace this evening.........
Being even MORE thankful that I caused harm to no one in the midst of my frustration..........
Here's to a better tomorrow.......    :)

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

:)

This morning was the boy's dentist appointment....not something that we, in this household, dread.  I have made a point of making the dentist a good thing and not scary.  My boys get some good teeth brushing....(you know they say that your kids shouldn't brush on their own until AFTER age seven).....so "we" brush, first mom and then them.  We floss too....  Combine all that with the fact that my kids don't get much sugar and the dentist tends to be pretty painless.  Today, that was not the case.
   The office staff was hugely impressed with Parklen's ability to sit still and cooperate with the x-ray's...even taking more than planned because he was being so good.  He sat so still like a big boy and said in his tiny voice..."mom, are ya proud of me?"  As if I could be anything other than.
   Paysen checked out great, even for a five year old who has already lost TWO teeth, and another ready to go. 
 I could tell that the dentist had something to say when she sat down and looked me in the eyes.  The x-rays showed a huge problem....It seems that a combination of Parklen's disease and his meds are causing his teeth to rot from the inside out, almost all of them. I bet you cant guess what the next step is with that......YOUR RIGHT, we have to go to DENVER.

  The thought of ANOTHER thing for this kid to deal with almost kills me.  Truth is, he doesn't know any different.  He would probably be out of sorts if something in his life was "routine"  He doesn't know a life other than one filled with pain.  So a mouth full of rotten teeth is nothing for him.  in fact...I asked him if his mouth hurt and he said no!

Okay....Just now, I decided that I am done talking about this subject for today.......

Instead, I will say that today was beach day at preschool......and anything involving shorts, sunglasses and water is a good thing. Especially to a five year old........

The nice weather is making for some antsy Henderson's.  We cannot wait to get out on the boat and under the sun.....So long Ice fishing season....Bring on the BOAT!! (I am aware it is still a couple months away for these type of adventures but I am excited none the less.) 



Happy beautiful Wednesday!


Thursday, March 8, 2012

Brave

Today I watched as my little baby boy took a huge leap from the land of babies straight into big boy land....... There were no tears before surgery this morning.  There are usually a billion shed.  He was upset because he was hungry and hadn't eaten, however he expressed with his words and not with his tears. 

I have been talking to Parklen about this procedure for a month now, going over each step time and time again.....

When the time came for me to carry him back to surgery, I suited up and prepared for the fit.....it never came.  I held him as we walked back to the Operating Room.  When we got in, I squeezed his guts and he mine....I laid him on the table and he tightened his grip on my hand.  He laid right down.....He looked at me and smiled as they put the mask over his tiny little face.  I braced myself then...I knew when he smelled the gas he would lose it.....I was wrong...I was taken away through his gaze....staring deep into his eyes, mine filled with tears....he wasn't scared. From across the table I heard the anaesthesiologist's words, "OK, Parklen lets breathe deeply now...." and he did.   He was asleep without a single tear. 

It has taken far too many surgeries for him to reach this point of bravedom....however, he is here.  Welcome Parklen, to the Big world....the one where things that are scary don't have to be so.....Where you can maintain a sense of courage when you are afraid....Where we understand that sometimes things are hard, but necessary....and nothing is quite as bad as your imagination can make it to be..

When they brought me back to recovery this is who I saw.....So precious....Even with an orange face...(I guess they wanted to make sure he was SUPER clean, even on his face)  His Chest now contains a port.... 

I can tell you right now, I have been through some stuff with this kid....and more than the average Mama Duties.....that being said, This port bothers me.  You know, I can manage being pooped on, vomited on, bled on, being covered in snot, ear goop.... I can do the meds....handle the hospital, deal with surgeries......but when they put something INSIDE my child....it freaks me out.

Three years ago when they did his first PICC line..(an access point in the arm that has a catheter reaching through his arm all the way to his chest) The nurse was explaining the procedure to me, shaking around the example catheter as she spoke...all of a sudden the blood left my face....heat replaced it and I nearly fainted. 

I have sat awake at nights for a month now obsessing over this port.  Its just the thing that crosses my tolerance line.  Why is it so gross? I don't know....maybe because it doesn't belong there...maybe because he's gonna just be walking around with something in his chest.....maybe because they cut him open and shoved in a chunk of plastic type material and sewed him back up....YEAH I have NOOOO idea why it bothers me......(vent complete....for now)

We are staying at the Ronald McDonald House....if you haven't had any experiences with this Charity...let me just say, it is one of the best.   Our family is continuously blessed by this organization.  If you see a bucket...drop in some change....Its worth it for all the families dealing with sick children.


There are giant Chipmunks in the lobby and the boys stop to say hello whenever we pass by....


This saying resides on the wall of our room....I stared at it forever last night...Id say there is some wisdom in these words....
This week got all shook up with schedule changes....and this sweet P-nut coming down with a stomach bug....Needless to say, Daddy is in the room with him back at the Ronald McDonald house.....Bummer deal.  Hoping that he feels better tonight so we can think about doing something fun tomorrow. 

Thank you for always praying for my family....God answer's each one.....I Believe with my whole heart that prayer is what made this day easy on Parklen....and prayer is what is going to keep me from throwing up and passing out every time I look at his chest.....:) So keep em' up folks!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

It goes by...........

Life goes by so quickly sometimes.....I promise I blink and a month has passed.  I am patiently (actually impatiently) awaiting the letter confirming the school in which Paysen will attend Kindergarten...I don't do well with the waiting game. Unfortunately...I have no choice.  I am still trying to convince Paysen that staying home with his mom is a much better option than growing up and attending SCHOOL.  He doesn't buy it.

I realized the other day that in just two short months Parklen will be turning four.  This is crazy.  How did this happen.....One moment he is my baby, I am holding and rocking and nursing him....the next he is a big boy.  Each night at dinner he reminds me, "mom, I'm almost big..." Yeah Parky...thanks for reminding me. 

Its one of the strangest things, being a mother.  The most amazing, tender and wonderful gift...blended with the continuous sadness of letting go.  Every day you are watching them need you just a little less.  When Parklen is feeling well he wants to show off his independence, I'm sure this has a lot to do with the times when he needs me so much.  But man, its hard....its very hard for me to stand back, however watching him figure things out is so incredible, and he is working harder each day to do things himself....


Well...here it is, Spring Break.......and in pure Henderson style we are spending it in Denver.....for hospital visits!!  Not the most ideal situation, but we will make due. 

Parklen is having a minor surgery this week, he is getting a Port put in his chest Followed by Three days of treatments.  Depending on how he is feeling, we may....or may not be doing something exciting. 

But, just being in a Hotel makes our boys go crazy.  Since we checked in, Paysen has said "This room is Sweet." more than a hundred times.  They are so precious.  Its the simple things with them.  I am beginning to realize that adapting this perspective would do me some good.

Something small and seemingly insignificant can completely delight my children.  They are thrilled by tiny experiences......excited by the simple.  What bliss would it be, to carry that simplicity through out your life................Never finding the every day mundane.....bypassing the bland and tasting only the seasoning of excitement. 

As I watch the boys loving this little "get away" I find the tears welling up.  I am blessed....I am holding the cup of my life and it is overflowing......

God keeps finding a way to remind me of how much I have....How wonderful my life really is.  This road we're on is more than worth traveling....bumps and all!!

Happy Spring Break!!!