Thursday, March 8, 2012

Brave

Today I watched as my little baby boy took a huge leap from the land of babies straight into big boy land....... There were no tears before surgery this morning.  There are usually a billion shed.  He was upset because he was hungry and hadn't eaten, however he expressed with his words and not with his tears. 

I have been talking to Parklen about this procedure for a month now, going over each step time and time again.....

When the time came for me to carry him back to surgery, I suited up and prepared for the fit.....it never came.  I held him as we walked back to the Operating Room.  When we got in, I squeezed his guts and he mine....I laid him on the table and he tightened his grip on my hand.  He laid right down.....He looked at me and smiled as they put the mask over his tiny little face.  I braced myself then...I knew when he smelled the gas he would lose it.....I was wrong...I was taken away through his gaze....staring deep into his eyes, mine filled with tears....he wasn't scared. From across the table I heard the anaesthesiologist's words, "OK, Parklen lets breathe deeply now...." and he did.   He was asleep without a single tear. 

It has taken far too many surgeries for him to reach this point of bravedom....however, he is here.  Welcome Parklen, to the Big world....the one where things that are scary don't have to be so.....Where you can maintain a sense of courage when you are afraid....Where we understand that sometimes things are hard, but necessary....and nothing is quite as bad as your imagination can make it to be..

When they brought me back to recovery this is who I saw.....So precious....Even with an orange face...(I guess they wanted to make sure he was SUPER clean, even on his face)  His Chest now contains a port.... 

I can tell you right now, I have been through some stuff with this kid....and more than the average Mama Duties.....that being said, This port bothers me.  You know, I can manage being pooped on, vomited on, bled on, being covered in snot, ear goop.... I can do the meds....handle the hospital, deal with surgeries......but when they put something INSIDE my child....it freaks me out.

Three years ago when they did his first PICC line..(an access point in the arm that has a catheter reaching through his arm all the way to his chest) The nurse was explaining the procedure to me, shaking around the example catheter as she spoke...all of a sudden the blood left my face....heat replaced it and I nearly fainted. 

I have sat awake at nights for a month now obsessing over this port.  Its just the thing that crosses my tolerance line.  Why is it so gross? I don't know....maybe because it doesn't belong there...maybe because he's gonna just be walking around with something in his chest.....maybe because they cut him open and shoved in a chunk of plastic type material and sewed him back up....YEAH I have NOOOO idea why it bothers me......(vent complete....for now)

We are staying at the Ronald McDonald House....if you haven't had any experiences with this Charity...let me just say, it is one of the best.   Our family is continuously blessed by this organization.  If you see a bucket...drop in some change....Its worth it for all the families dealing with sick children.


There are giant Chipmunks in the lobby and the boys stop to say hello whenever we pass by....


This saying resides on the wall of our room....I stared at it forever last night...Id say there is some wisdom in these words....
This week got all shook up with schedule changes....and this sweet P-nut coming down with a stomach bug....Needless to say, Daddy is in the room with him back at the Ronald McDonald house.....Bummer deal.  Hoping that he feels better tonight so we can think about doing something fun tomorrow. 

Thank you for always praying for my family....God answer's each one.....I Believe with my whole heart that prayer is what made this day easy on Parklen....and prayer is what is going to keep me from throwing up and passing out every time I look at his chest.....:) So keep em' up folks!

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