Amanda and the Hendersons

Do you know that feeling you get..... the one inside, where someone asks you a question.... a question that is frequently asked. Parklen lost his second tooth....and by lost I mean the dude yanked it out!! A question that seems simple..... but the answer is anything but. Instead........ the answer is in layers........like peeling away at an onion. This question..... for me..... is, How is Parklen doing? Could be answered quickly...."good."  or maybe, "bad" but the answer is never simple. There isn't a single word that could define his status. Ever. There is always worry. There is always fear. No matter how big or how small...... Devan is so good at saying "Good." every time he is asked how Parklen is doing. Maybe its because he is just great at seeing the things that are  good..... maybe its because it is just easier than trying to explain.... but Parklen can be sitting on the couch feeling fine, or laying in the ICU w...

The tests came back yesterday from our trip to Denver a few days ago. It was confirmed that Parklen is infected with a strain of influenza.  In fact, he is infected with the very flu that we have lived in fear of for the last 10 months.....it was the one they warned us about before transplant....it was the one that we learned of had and has killed many transplant kids.  Yup.....its that  one. Thankfully enough......they think that he is far enough along after transplant and far enough along in the infection that he is going to be fine. He feels bad.....but not terrible.  He can still play, and giggle. He looks rough....but not awful..... But after all of his results came back it was clear that, as the doctor so eloquently put it, "his immunity sucks."  His counts are much lower than than they need to be to be considered as "recovered."  He is fragile.....this infection makes it more so. If something else came along in the midst of this flu...

The last few weeks have been very tough...... for the kids.....with seemingly endless colds...coughs and fevers.... for Devan.....finishing up his finals.... and for me........just trying to hold myself together. Often times, I may appear to have it together.... I may look like I have it figured out. I may smile.... crack a joke....... But more times than not.....the inside of me is struggling to match the outside.... My thoughts, my feelings....my worries, they are ever present, ever changing.... God is constantly at work within my mind.... It seems that the moment that one worry is removed....another quickly moves in to occupy its place.... As we prepare to leave for Denver tomorrow, I am flooded with emotion. I find myself concerned.... worried about whats been causing random fevers in Parklen.... worried because the coughing won't stop..... worried because, no matter how hard I try..... no matter which precautions I take.... it hasn't been enough. I ha...