Amanda and the Hendersons

It has been 1,460 days since Parklen's transplant. Four YEARS. I lose my breath when I think about that.  It has been four years since my Parklen was dying.... since we prayed that God would spare his life.... Four years. That day is fresh in my mind....and I believe that it always will be. I remember the sights, the smells, the sounds and the feelings as if they were happening today...right in front of me now.... That day is burned into my memory. Always and forever. Where have we been in the four years since that day? We've traveled many mountain highs, and gotten reacquainted with the valleys. We've watched miracles happen, and hardship return. But through it all.... We have remained safely in the hands of God. The creator, Our creator... He has held tightly to us as our life ship has sailed through the waves...and rested calmly on still seas. In four years we have watched Parklen change from a dying boy, to a surviv...

There are times when I am sure I have met my limit. Recently, I am having some of those times. It seems to be thing after thing and happening after happening.... Last week was super tough. Exhausting. And although I don't like to talk much about myself...here's what happened. I had 2 days that I spent in the hospital with a kidney infection... Turns out a kidney infection is a lingering nuisance when you're pregnant... Wait a minute, let me back that up a second.....have I EVEN told you guys that I am pregnant? Its shared on my personal Facebook, but I don't think I have actually written about it. Yup. Pregnant. Number 4. Almost to the third trimester. That started my week. Then I went home from the hospital and packed to take Parklen to his  hospital. The kids and I loaded up and headed to Denver. I started having continuous pain in my belly over our first night there and it escalated the next morning. By the time the kids and I had made it to c...

I have had a week. You know the kind. My snorkel has been taking on water with each wave that hits... making it hard to breathe... And the brief moment after it fills, I panic. Trying to remember the next step... Scrambling. Until I remember... And then I force the water out.... Push it with prayer... I breathe. I felt completely numb this week in Denver. The words, The plans, The advice... It felt ice-cold to me... I feel tired. I feel frustrated. I feel defeated. Parklen is not complete. and although that is true, his illness is not at its worst. He is not as bad as he once was. Which makes things tricky. It means that....once again, his future is uncertain. It means that for now, We wait. We maintain, We tread water. Clearing the water as it comes... pushing it out so that we can breathe. The doctor talked about some future options and places we may have to go... but the if and the when are not known, We convinced him to sign off ...

Around November 12th or so of 2008 God began to weave into my life a very important collection of words. There are many words on the list. All important. All thick with meaning... All lessons. But there is one word that seems to be repeated time and time again... through out the list it appears...more than once...many times. The word.... Perspective. I was given the gift of perspective. Not that I was asking for it or anything. It certainly wasn't mentioned in my daily prayers or over coffee with a friend... I wasn't looking for it. As the gift was handed to me, my arms gave way under its weight. It is heavy. Its outer shell isn't soft or smooth.. more like the thick and scaly skin of a snake...or maybe a porcupine..... But, whether I liked it or not, The gift was given to me. It took days to open its first layer... a crash landing into a pediatric hospital for the first time... weeks in a medically induced coma for my baby. Breathing machines...

Bitterness takes over, when you feel that life's unfair. When your baby is sick, or your bills aren't paid, maybe the grey is taking over your hair. One thing after another... it always seems to be. Questions, rarely answers... Puzzles that are often missing a piece. Bitterness leaves a taste in your mouth, that can not be easily replaced.. it can make the best things taste sour, the good taste bad... and the perfect things go to waste... It is so easy for me to find myself here... wading through the murky and muddy waters... Where I stand, bitter and angry... and alone... It takes a desperate plea in the form of a prayer... A good shake all the way down to my core. A friend, a memory... and sometimes... maybe just a little more. It helps when I remember all the places I have been, The highs, the lows... and everything between. 8 years can seem like a lifetime.. and also as a fleeting moment. When you look forward to tomorrow... When y...

8 years is a long time. Its nearly a decade. Its made of almost 3,000 days... It has been 8 years, 2 months and 22 days since Parklen first showed symptoms of illness. It has been a long road. So, So long... I can remember most parts of it....more than I wish I did. Its a road that has been made up of hills and valleys, of pot holes and construction. 7 years ago this very month Parklen was diagnosed with a rare disorder. It was a relief after over a year of illness with no explanation....I felt like a weight had been lifted. The road was bound to grow wide and bright... We ran with that diagnosis for some time. There was monthly trips to Denver, terrible drug infusions that kept him alive but made him feel awful. We spent weeks upon weeks and months upon months in a hospital. Infection upon infection...illness after illness. Surgery after surgery... He grew more and more ill as the days passed... And it was made known, that the diagnosis was not correct. ...