Amanda and the Hendersons

I find myself treading water in the middle of my mother shape......my shape is a triangle. It has three sides. On one side sits Parklen, Parklen and his illness.....  His needs, he needs me for his care, for his comfort, for his everything.  I am constantly tending to his changing needs.  Constantly trying to anticipate whats next and stay a step ahead.  Always trying to protect him from picking up more sickness.  Having to keep him home from the things he wants to do because he isn't well.  Because other kids have germs that could bring him down.  The past two weeks he has been very ill.  I find myself staying up at night, running to his aide.....controlling his fever, remembering his meds round the clock, holding his hand as he looks me in the eyes and says, "Mama, I hurt inside."  His side is very heavy...... On another side I find Paysen.  My healthy, beautiful boy.  His needs are so different.  He doesn't...

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be the kid that barfs at school?  Ya know.....the kid who, in front of the entire class, loses the contents of their stomach.......  Well, after today, Paysen could let ya know what that's like.  He accomplished being the "barf kid" by puking not once BUT twice on the floor of his kindergarten class.  It has been a week for the Henderson's.....  Parklen picked up an infection and a collection of fluid in his lungs...We had a mishap at the hospital, lots of sleeplessness, and lots of being sick.  God has given Mama a break from her own sickness in order to take care of her babies....which is a huge blessing. The events leading up to Paysens little mishap at school today are a story all themselves....but for another day.  His white little face peering up at me from the nurses bed was something that I am not used to seeing....the kid just doesn't get sick.  I guess there is a family balan...

So Its been a long long time since I have been here...... There has been so many complex layers of stuff going on it has been just crazy..... and so now, here I am......to let it all out and dump it on this page. Where do I even begin........ How about we start with the MOST of the giant elephants in this room...... So, we are having a baby, Yes, I have spilled that news. We are having our THIRD baby..... Yep, this is the third go 'round for me and pregnancy. However, this is the first time, IN MY LIFE, I have felt this sick. I have lost tons and tons of weight, my motivation, pretty much.....my norm. I have been getting up, taking the boys to school and going back to bed.....remaining in my pajamas...(if you know me well, you know how big of a deal this is.) Been sporting the no make up look, most every day. Please let me just come to my own defense for a second....I am not a wuss.....I have babies drug free, I can handle pain, I can handle stress........