Did you see ever Ferris Bueller's Day off back in the 80's? It was in my top three favorite movies from growing up. My favorite quote from the film, strangely.......is one that runs through my head almost every day. "Life moves by pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around every once in a while....you just might miss it."
I have been feeling this way every single day lately....like its just flying by. I'm trying to look around, every moment, every second........breathe in the beauty of my family. Suck every drop out my the boys' childhood, pay attention to each moment spent with my husband, and never ever forget what it felt like to be RIGHT here, right now.
Things aren't easy today, or yesterday.....or for a few weeks now. Parklen is sick. Getting worse. And no one knows what to do about it.
He spends most every single day laying on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, begging for cuddles. Even as I type these words, I can hear his coughs from down the hall. They never stop. He gets treatments for his lungs all day, every day. They aren't helping. He is taking close to 20 pills a day, countless inhalers, so much goes into this kid.
I am scared. Scared because I have no idea what is going to happen. Scared because his doctors don't either.
So.........in spite of this, as I look around each day.....I feel an unexpected and overwhelming sense of gratitude. Why? I feel thankful because I was chosen to be the mother of these children. I was chosen by God to love and care for the two most special boys in the world. I am the one who Parklen cries out for in the middle of the night, I am the one that he looks to for comfort. I get to hold him when nothing else is helping. I am the one that gets to teach Paysen about compassion for others as he struggles with the difficulties of watching his brother. I am privileged to take Paysen to wrestling practice and watch him make new friends and find a new place to belong. I am the woman that wakes each day to the sounds of their little voices. I get to hear Paysen tell me how thankful he is for his breakfast.....and dinner and picking him up from school....and all the other silly things he says thank you for.
Today as Parklen fell asleep with his head pressed against my belly......the baby began to go wild. She was kicking up against my belly and bouncing Parklen's sleeping head up and down. My heart swelled as I thought, no matter how scary things are, no matter how much the unplanned happens, God is blessing me as a mother again. My blessings are to grow.......in ways I cannot even imagine.
Don't forget what you have.....don't let your sorrows outweigh your blessings..... Life is so short.