Sunday, June 30, 2013

More often than not in my life, things tend to make no sense.

I continually fight with emotions of fear, uncertainty and confusion. I often feel weary. I very rarely get rest.

My baby boy is fighting a fight of his own. One with his very own body and an ugly disease that doesn't care how amazing and wonderful the little boy is who it attacks. He struggles. This week he is struggling to breathe. Struggling to overcome his rotten illness. Struggling to understand why this is his life. And I have no answer for him. It doesn't make sense and it hurts so bad.

Parklen is in surgery right now. They are working to discover and repair a problem with his intestines. There is a leak somewhere and it's causing distress and pain.  

I don't know why these problems seem to never end. I don't know why it has to be him. But the why doesn't matter. This is what we face and I thank God that we have him to lean on. It's times like this when I wonder how anyone can function without faith. How anyone could get through life without clinging to the peace that surpasses all understanding. When I feel lost and defeated and angry and sad it takes a simple prayer and a moment of clinging to the hope found in my Holy Father to feel peace. I can't imagine not having that.

Thanking God for my son, for his endurance and strength. Remembering that He holds the fate of him in his hands and finding comfort in knowing that He is God.

1 comment:

  1. Michelle, Chuck and girlsJune 30, 2013 at 4:21 PM

    Amanda...you are so right - I don't know how anyone does what you do without faith in our God. We don't understand what Parklen is going through or the why of it all, but he is one amazing, strong little boy and he is so lucky and blessed to have you all as his family. We continue to pray for that peace that surpasses all understanding. We pray for strength for Parky, for you to be strong, for his doctors to have wisdom, and for the Lord to bring healing and peace. We love you guys....

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