Monday, March 31, 2014

who?

I get a strange feeling sometimes as I meet people.....
In particular, the people who, after just meeting me say this...."I feel like I already know you."

When I started this blog a few years ago,
it was mostly just so I had an outlet.....a place to go, to vent......to write.
I never thought that people would read.
I never thought that SO many people would read.

As the years have gone by, and our story has told itself to me......I have tried to tell it to others.
Always trying to showcase the highs.....and the lows.
Pounding at this key board through tears.......
typing quickly with excitement......
and hitting the publish button even when I didn't feel as though anyone would care.....

I hope that I have always shared my faith....
that God has always been given the glory for things accomplished......hurdles jumped.....

I pray that through me, you are really seeing what He can and is doing.....

In just the past week,
during errands and other encounters......I have heard those words.....
from strangers.
From people I haven't seen in years.....

I thought about it for a long time last night.....
Am I......the person they  think I am?

Am I?

There is less than a handful of people that I have let into my life physically.....
just a few people of whom I trust,
a couple people that I see face to face......

but,
I have never let that stop me from sharing on the blog....
writing things here that may be hard to say out loud.

If you knew me while I was growing up,
especially during the teenage years....
I'm sure you have some stories you could share...(lets not though k?)  ha ha
There were so many wild shenanigans that I was a part of.....
crazy times,
terrible decisions.....
seriously.....
the list of crazy is a mile long.....
I look back now and I am not proud of that girl......
but......
That crazy girl grew up.
She learned so much from mistakes that she made......
She took the poor decisions and the terrible choices and channeled that energy into being the best wife and mother that she could be......

Circumstances.
People....
life.

All of those things help to shape me into the woman I am today.....
and I have a long way to go yet......
But God is working in me.....
He is shaping every inch of me......
and that is a big job.

There are many lessons that I hope to pass to my children.....
honesty...
integrity....
courage....
compassion.....

One of the biggest things I hope to teach is the importance of being a good person.....even and especially when no one is looking....  Knowing that although someone may not be watching...your every action helps to form your core of self.

Dishonesty,
anger....
hate....

These things change who you are....
and one moment of losing control impacts many moments to come.....

If you let negative things and feelings build up inside....
if you act upon these things.....your shape is changed.....
one inch at a time....

Being your best self when you are alone.....
when there is no one watching....
no human to impress....
that is what builds you up.
Shapes you into a person that is worth being.
Makes you comfortable in your own skin.....
Allows you to breathe because you aren't trying to hide who you are.

I don't know what people truly think of me......
but I do know that who I am when I type is who I am when I don't......
and having this blog has given me a large sense of accountability......
I have to be the things I say.....
because otherwise.....the things that God is doing in my life will go unnoticed....
Our story will change from being about the answered prayers and miracles to being about me.....and it never was....nor should it ever be.

Nothing that has happened to me, to my family.....has been through my own doing.
I can take credit for NOTHING......
besides following when I thought God was leading.....
I cannot raise my hands in victory over one mountain climbed.....because I was being carried the entire way......... by Him.

So,
Who am I though?  Really?

Well......I think of myself as an awkward, silly person.
I cannot dance.....
love to sing.....
Cant live without orange juice or coffee.....
love all things sweet....
can down an entire custard pie, by myself in one sitting.....
I like to take pictures of EVERYTHING....all the time.
I have a license in cosmetology and instructing cosmetology....
decorating projects are my favorite things to do and the most effective activity to take down my stress level.....
I was engaged to my husband after only three months....and we have been together about 10 years...
I married at just 21 and have been through some very difficult things with my husband and never once regretted our decision to love each other.....
I am a fan of anything sentimental.......
I love surprises.....
but hate unannounced company....
I am the worlds worst at spelling.....
often awkward in social settings......

There are so many things that you may not know about me......
and that is just fine!
Because.....my hope is......... that the things that are important show in my words.....
That when you think of me you think of faith, love of God.....
all the rest will fall away, but the love of Him will remain!!!
At the end of the day, I am just a woman, a mother.....a wife.....
and the only important thing about me is who holds my heart......

Who are you?
Really?
I am choosing to focus on being who I want to be....
all the time!!







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