Monday, September 22, 2014

Because you're eight....

Today was a special day.

It was special for many reasons....
But, the biggest reason for declaring this day special was this boy.....



Paysen turned 8 today.
We celebrated all day today.
We celebrated him yesterday with a little party.....
He was allowed to choose only two friends....
the rule being that they knew about our family and would not show up sick........
So his two closest friends and their families joined our family in the park.....
There was cupcakes,
candy,
snacks....



There was a squirt gun battle.......which was Devan's idea.... "it will be fun for the kids"  That was what he said......Devan takes competition very seriously...even when his appoints are children......
They all ended up soaked and the kids deemed Devan a target and worked hard to bring. him. down....






We borrowed a bounce house....
Which was made more special by only having a few kids there.....
I will not lie....




I loved the bounce house.
I seized the moment when the kids left it empty....

Jumping with Phinlynn was beyond fun.....

and I love this picture, because there are very few moments that I get to let go.......




Today had breakfast....

lunch at school.....

birthday dinner...


.and ended with his first flag football game....











Dear Paysen,
     Buddy.  Today you are eight.  Eight years old.  You are growing up......certainly and far too quickly.  Today as I thought about the last eight years I felt overwhelmed with happiness.  You son, are the one who gave me my favorite name.....mom.  You changed my life 8 years ago.......and every single day since.
     You have been dealt a tough hand in life......and for sure, things haven't been fair for you.  You have spent much of your eight years here fighting to be seen.
     I want you to know.....I see you.  I see you for the wonderful, amazing, genuine little guy that you are.  I see your heart.  I see the way that you care for those around you.....the way you feel the pain that others feel.  The moments when you choke down tears in light of someone else's pain.  I see the way that you struggle between growing up and staying small.  
    You have had to grow up so quickly...and you could look at the kids around you....the ones your age and really most of the ones older than you.....you could look around at those kids and not find many who know pain like you.  That's tough, and really really unfair.  You have seen things that are scary, that are hard.  You have visited your brother in the ICU since you were two years old.  You have held his hand......you have prayed for him.....you have worked to make him smile.  You have stayed home while I took him to the hospital more times than I could count.....  You have lived back home away from us for months.....You have played games you hate with him when he couldn't walk. You have helped him lug around his oxygen and untangled the tubing....You have said goodbye to many activities and things for your brother's safety....
      You made a decision that others may struggle with.  You chose to take a part of yourself....your healthy and amazing self....and give that to your brother.  You chose to do all that you could to save his life.  You did that.  and not because you had to......
     I see a boy that is kind and generous.  I see a boy who rocks at spelling and dominates at math.....  I see a boy that holds a giant chunk of my heart.  A great dancer.... a graceful singer.  A boy who struggles with just being a kid.
    While the masses see your brother.....while the shadow that he creates can be dark and lonely.....I want you to know...I need you to know.....I see you.  All. Of. You.  It cannot be easy to stand behind and often in the background....but you do it.
   One day the clouds will part....the sun will shine brightly on your face.  The pain you have seen and the unfair realities of your life have and will continue to make you into someone that you will be proud of.  You have learned life lessons that many 20 year olds have yet to learn....
    If given a choice of who my first boy would be.....If I could choose whomever I pleased....I would choose you, I would pick you......every time.
  I love you.  I am proud of you.  I am thankful for you.
Happy birthday.  Today is a day to celebrate you.......but, If I am being honest....so is every other day.
You are my tiny hero....eight years old and full of everything that makes my life worth living.


1 comment:

  1. A great letter to your son God Bless

    ReplyDelete