Amanda and the Hendersons

One of the greatest ways to deal with stress is to just play.... The last few days have been something....... Two sick kiddos, the start of spring break, a canceled hospital visit..... stress..... The coughs have been loud.... the nights lacking rest..... and tiny people needing extra love and kisses.... Some nice weather gave us the perfect opportunity for fresh air..... some time outside to breathe.... I swear to never become numb to the blessings of my kids playing together.... and outside .... It is such a big deal to see them running around..... A big deal that I am not watching from the window as I sit inside with Parklen.... That I am not carrying Parklen around the yard to watch his brother play... and that Phinlynn scurries quickly behind as she giggles.... Nice outfit Parklen chose for himself..... Parklen wasn't sure he was feeling up to some time outside..... but, we all know......you can do anything.....with the r...

The Honda was packed.... Suitcases stuffed into the back, stroller, even snacks...the only thing missing was the three children that would fill the seats......and the night ended. The sun rose ..... We were set to leave shortly... a weeks worth of appointments ahead.... My heart sank as I heard Parlklen coughing from the other room, one look in his direction and I knew that our plans were about to change. Healthy and happy when he fell asleep last night... His eyes were telling..... they told a story of illness... and the eyes don't lie. I called the nurse at Children's..... she talked with the doctor... and an hour later, she called to tell me that everything was canceled. Not something that can be done with the symptoms he has....(and Phinlynn has too) and had we come, they would have sent us home.... There will be no appointments tomorrow, or in the week to come..... The donation of cells by Paysen is put on hold.... the receiving of the cells b...

Sometimes, I swear........my life speeds up.  The crazy takes over, and I have trouble finding my feet.  Up is down and down is somewhere else..... I have trouble remembering what and where and who....... I accomplish zero things on my to do list.... There are days like this...... even weeks.... I'm living in the midst of some right now. I have things to do, but do them,  I do not. Instead, I mostly sit........... Sit and stare at my kids, my whole family.... and then.....I stare some more.  I watch them do the things they do....... Play, homework, brush their teeth.... and I get weepy..... Paysen...... this kid, He is so responsible, so smart..... so, so, smart.... Loves to learn. I could watch him read a book for hours.....his face changes with every turn of a page. So sensitive, and just all together good. Phinlynn, I cannot take my eyes from her....She is almost always within my sight..... Melting my he...

The last few days have been filled with memories.  Memories of days passed.... They started to flood in the other night when I was up with Parklen for most of the night, he had some bone pain caused by growing and a life time of steroids.....he was unable to sleep and I found myself comforting him in the middle of the night.  I was so tired and could barely keep my heavy lids open, but through squinted eyes, I saw Parklen looking at me.  He looks at me differently than any other human on this earth....and the look is something that pierces straight to my heart.  He was looking at me as I tried all I could to ease his pain.....and he whispered, "I love you mom."  and my heart remembered....... Remembered the years I spent easing his pain, the sleepless nights when I lay with my hand upon his chest, waiting for each breath.... Remembered the tears, the cries... Remembered the nightly vomit, the daily fevers.... I remembered the middle of the nights....