Will not wait....

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Sometimes, I swear........my life speeds up.  The crazy takes over, and I have trouble finding my feet.  Up is down and down is somewhere else.....
I have trouble remembering what and where and who.......
I accomplish zero things on my to do list....

There are days like this......
even weeks....

I'm living in the midst of some right now.



I have things to do,
but do them,  I do not.
Instead,
I mostly sit...........
Sit and stare at my kids, my whole family....
and then.....I stare some more.
 I watch them do the things they do.......
Play,
homework,
brush their teeth....
and I get weepy.....

Paysen......
this kid,
He is so responsible,
so smart.....
so, so, smart....
Loves to learn.
I could watch him read a book for hours.....his face changes with every turn of a page.
So sensitive,
and just all together good.

Phinlynn, I cannot take my eyes from her....She is almost always within my sight.....
Melting my heart with her gentle touch,
and then stretching my limits with her stubborn nature.
She is smart beyond what she should be....
almost 2, but acts much older...
She fills a part of me, unreached by any other.....

Parklen,
Parky,
Parky J.....
I watch him because what he does.....it is all a miracle to me.
I watch him do average things and praise God for them....
I watch him complete a math problem, or read a story.....
and I think, What a blessing this is......
He is a lover to all,
hugs like no other......
and he is our miracle.....
and to see him sitting on a porch....outside...with no mask on...breathing in the air....it's amazing....



We snuck away for 24 hours over the weekend.....to my dads house, out of town.
My kids played, and chased his dogs.....
Devan and I snuck away for dinner....
and we drove home the next morning....
It was quick,
but it was important....
especially to our kids who said, "I love that we all got away as a family..."

The kids and I are leaving in a couple of days to Denver....

and in years past, I would already be packed.....
I would have the kitchen stocked with food for Devan to eat while we're gone....
and I would have a full tank of gas....

but tonight,
I have a billion loads of laundry.....undone,
a messy house,
a scarce fridge....
a suitcase left empty....
and a peek at my cars dash would reveal a red low fuel light....

I have no motivation to prepare....
my mind is elsewhere....

but Id like to believe,
that....if you asked my kids about my productivity.....they would ensure you that I am doing what matters to them.....

After all.....the house will be messy still tomorrow....
the laundry will wait.....
and somehow....the suitcase will be filled....

but with each passing moment....
as the visions of my children pass before me....
as they get older every second.....

I know that their childhood will not wait.....



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