Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Ramblings...

I am pretty much behind....on everything.

Work,
Chores,
To do lists,
life....

I wake up each day with the best of intentions...
and I go to bed each night feeling like Ive failed..

For months now....

Life happens that way sometimes.
We struggle with measuring up...to even our own standards.

Its a trap.

And, although I know that God wants more for my life...I struggle still.

The other day I woke up to a little boy who felt crummy...
Something that's happened probably a thousand times....
over a couple of days, he felt worse.
I woke up on Monday to a grey faced, lethargic Parklen...
I loaded him up and headed to the doctor...
and then to get labs drawn...
and then back home.

Once home, Parklen fell asleep quickly while I paced frantically back and forth, tightly clinching my phone...waiting for his doctor to call.  My mind racing back to years ago...and the panic set in.

Parklen ended up being admitted into our local hospital....
Had our wind not been blowing 88 mph (I'm not even kidding) I would've most likely headed south.
He looked so bad.
He scared his momma.

A minimum of 48 hours inpatient and some meds were ordered...
And so here we sit.

Yesterday was scary....because Parklen looked so much like he did long ago....
His doc and I both thought so...

Last night was hard, because there was little sleep and lots of worrying...

Today was hard,
because we were stuck.

In this room I sat, watching Parklen fall back into his former roll of hospital patient...remembering how to use his call button, maneuver around an IV pole...stare out the window...

I sat today and thought of all the things that I haven't done.
Some important....some less than...
The things around the house,
the plans we had to bake and make...
the cleaning...
the shopping...
The school festivities I was suppose to enjoy with Paysen...

All of it,
left undone.

I began having uneasy feelings days ago when Parklen first started murmuring about not wanting to spend Christmas in Denver...it seemed almost out of nowhere, but I think he knew something was cooking...

Its been almost 8 years exactly...just a couple weeks past..since Parklen first was put into a hospital.
8 years since I first discovered what it meant to have a sick child...
8 years worth of heartache,
8 years worth of worry...
8 years.
You guys....8 years.

I am so weary.

There came a time when I thought this part of our story was closing...the chapter complete...
but the pages must have only been stuck together....because they continue to unfold.  It seems that no matter how hard I try to slam the book closed....it finds its way back into our lives...

Right now as I type out these words, I'm listening to Parklen giggle....he is feeling much better...he still looks a bit puny but so much better.

We're counting on some good blood results tomorrow so that we can head home.
Because Christmas break started officially this evening....and for the love, we need to celebrate.

I'm so thankful for my tribe.
The people who send pizza to the hospital,
text to check in on us,
pick up things from the school,
bring me new leggings,
bring coffee or lunch...
send singing Batmans to Parklen (yes that happened today)
Teachers who bring by gifts,
the many who pray for us....

I'm thankful for a wonderful doctor close by,
for emails and messages from far away.

I'm so thankful.
In spite of my heartache....
I choose to be.

Please continue to remember Parklen in your prayers...because although he's come so far, he continues to struggle...

And please take time to appreciate the little things in life..the school parties, the family time, the Christmas shopping, the every day.....I've said it many times before, but there is someone always wishing for the things you might take for granted....

So when you receive our Christmas card in the mail....most likely after Christmas has passed...just know...that it was so important for the Henderson's to send it....even if it was late.  Because our norm is a little different...but its ours :)
and my gosh....Im TRYING.








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