Sunday, September 29, 2013

one more week....

Paysen turned seven one week ago.  I cant believe it.  How do I have a seven year old?!?!?  Aren't I only 23 still?!?!?!?!?!?! 

It was a hard day for him.  We had just gotten settled into our apartment the night before.....things were new and strange feeling.  We tried our best to make him feel special but at the end of the day he felt very sad. 

He was sad because his dad had to drive back to Casper, sad that he didn't get to see any of his friends....sad because he didn't get to do much of anything.  Because he is the donor he must remain secluded just like Parky.  Sad reality for a seven year old.....

The next couple of days worked to lift his spirits.  He was thrown a belated birthday bash by the apartment staff.....given gifts and a cake and a lot of singing. 



The next day he was able to take his first guitar lesson....after which the staff bought him his own rockin electric guitar and amp.......

He is feeling a bit better today......

He is very excited to be able to help Parklen....has been telling everyone about it.  His tune may change a little as the time approaches......but hopefully not.  He rocked the blood draw last week, only one more stands in the way of him and transplant day.


At Paysen's appointment, he was asked if he was willing to donate his bone marrow to his brother. He eagerly said YES and they asked him to sign the paper work saying he wanted to do so.  It made me cry.  I have tossed this issue around in my head since his results came back as a perfect match months ago..... It seems like an impossible decision....one that I hoped I would never have to make. But when you step back and look at the options.....when you weigh the statistics of related donors.....when it is clear how much better Parklen will do with his brothers bone marrow than that of a stranger.....when you see the light in Paysen's face at the opportunity to help his brother....the decision melts away and you know that there is but one option.  This is not a Hollywood issue....this is a Henderson one.  I have heard outside opinions on the matter....negative ones....I choose to chalk it up to a lack of understanding....a lack of knowledge....  Paysen will have very minimal pain and trouble..... and even after explaining in full detail the process, he is still excited, nervous? sure but excited none the less.  If you think its wrong..than Im sorry you feel that way...but I wont apoligise for this decision and I pray you never have to face a decision like this one.   




Our first week of work up has been heavily stressful.  Parklen is at the end of his rope, you can just see in his eyes that he is over it all.  He has been throwing astronomical fits.....kicking, punching, yelling.....crazy.  So these days have been taxing on his family and medical staff alike. 

Thursday he had a surgery to place a secondary port for chemo and other access needs.  He knows what is to come.....well as much as he can understand.  I have not kept anything from him.  I have told him that he will get much more sick from the chemo before he can get better..... and my prayer is that he is able to breeze through........It is hard to believe that if we stay the course, and nothing unexpected arises, he will begin Chemo in one week.

We are missing that guy we call daddy......cannot wait for his arrival this coming weekend, although he just left earlier today.  It is a quick couple of days when he comes.....not near long enough.  We try and fill the days with playing and laughter and we all get very sad when it is time to say goodbye.....
Paysen is learning how to play pool.....he is quite the shark for a seven year old.

 Devan is going to kill me for this picture but you know what?? That's what he gets for trying to ruin all of my pictures with weird expressions....and truthfully, this is what I love about him anyway.....
 I know that my facebook friends know, but have I mentioned that we all chopped our hair for Parky???  We have been trying to soak up the last bit of sunshine....playing outside the apartment building....enjoying the small moments of happy that Parklen experiences.....they are few and far between and we tend to jump at the chance to play when he is feeling up to it.



 We began our day today with a Corvette Toy Run outside our front door.....The boys met Lightening McQueen and had the oppurtunity to sit in and look at a bunch of awesome cars!!!  This place really is a blessing........



I am feeling blessed for such a great place to stay during this time......

We have one week left of testing.....one week.  If all goes well he will be admitted and begin the journey.....

I am scared. 

Its the reason I haven't written more this week......

I am afraid.  I am terrified.

I am trusting that God has got this.....at the same time, I am only human......and I am a mother.

The mother of a little boy about to begin a fight for his life.......
The mother of another boy about to give part of himself......
The mother of a baby girl that is growing up in the hospital......

A mother.....
scared of whats to come.....sad for her family.

I was blessed today with a basket of treats from some friends I have made down here, it was filled with things......for me.  It felt good to dig through the treasures..  It always feels nice to be thought of.....and I swear that the 8 chocolate chip cookies that I ate tonight made me feel a little better.

Here's to letting go of what I cannot control.....of letting God take the wheel and trusting that He knows the way to go.......

1 comment:

  1. Hi!
    Chuck had left a link to your blog form Facebook. I'm his sister BTW. My name's Kari, nice to meet you.:) I want to throw this out here for you and forgive me its really only a fraction of a thought but maybe it will help. I find it incredible that anyone would take a negative view of Paysen helping Parklen. I really believe we have not only lost family values but we have lost the true essence of what a family is. We. stick. together....period. Through the good and the bad. It is in a families roots and heart to help another family member out. Paysen unerringly gets that. While evidently a lot of adults have forgotten it. I also believe we dumb kids down. We assume they aren't smart enough to make big decisions. Of course he can and he made the right one. And anyone that can't see that? Needs to learn the value of family. I was raised that there is nothing greater than a families love and that doesn't stop just because the road gets rougher. .Anyway you keep on keepin on, your doing a fantastic job.

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