Friday, September 20, 2013

When its time.......






It is relatively easy to talk about moving to a new state. 
It is pretty simple to talk about trying a life saving procedure for your son.
It isn't too difficult to pack for yourself and three children........
Until it's time.....

Time to go.
Time to move.
Time to start this new journey,
Time to load up the Honda.
Time to head south.

Today is Friday....
The tests start on Monday.
We leave in the morning......
Move to a new apartment.....
Move towards a new life......
The testing will run for this coming week and a few days of the next.....
Then the chemo.......
and after that, day zero......the transplant.

I have been doing interviews for the local news, we have been interviewed by a newspaper....I even did an online interview for yahoo......and all of that was pretty easy.  I kept on waiting, waiting for the avalanche of emotions....but I held it together.

I kept asking myself... "When are you going to lose it?"  The answer has made itself clear...."When its time"

Its time today....
Its time to cry......
It is time to cry some more....
It is time to let Devan hold me as I weep.....
It is time to let the heaviness of this entire situation sink into my bones......
It is time to let go of all I have known as a mother and move forward toward the unknown....
It is time to start something new.....

I cannot begin to explain the emotions I am experiencing.
There are far too many to grasp.
One thing I know for sure........
God will have to carry me the rest of the way. 

As I have been loading boxes into the car and trying so hard to remember everything, I cannot help but wonder how my family has gotten to this cross roads.......You never think about things like this.  You never imagine that you will have to allow doctors to make your son more sick so that he may get better.....You never entertain the thoughts of these types of situations.  But here we are.  This is real.  This is hard.....

It was unclear to us when to make it public and when to share the news with Paysen.......He is a perfect match with Parklen.....perfect.  There is no better donor for Parklen.......that is not an accident.
We shared with Paysen last night because it was time, we were a little afraid of what his reaction might be.  He was very excited......happy to be able to help his brother.  Parklen was excited that he would get some of his brother inside of him........Great kids we have.  They will have a bond like no other.....and that is special.

So although today I may weep......tomorrow I will leave.  I will praise God as we begin this journey.  I will thank Him for allowing me to be a part of these children's lives.....I will trust Him with things unimaginable. 

Devan and I will part ways as we travel through the coming months.....but together we will be.. as we hold each other in our hearts......  Life is so quick, so fragile and so precious....to cherish every moment....even the difficult ones, is the only option. 

Be thankful for what you have....what your given.....afterall....it is time. 






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