~~~~~another day~~~~~~

-
There are some days when I absolutely convince myself that I have made up Parklen's illness.  I think thoughts in my head like, "he probably isn't really sick, I must be imagining it,"  I think this is my way of trying to take responsibility for his problems.......  I sit and wonder these things, and then I look down to see Parklen, his face so sad....black under his eyes, fluid gushing from his ears, I see his protruded stomach, the lines in his teeth....I watch as he cries from pain, I know very well.......I am not making it up.  Never mind that the doctor's tell me so, just seeing him tells me more.


We are battling Prednisone in our home, Parklen is really struggling to control himself.  The side effects of this drug are so strong, even at the low dose that he only takes every other day.  Parklen cannot sleep...not hardly at all.  Falling asleep is all but impossible, staying asleep even harder.  His "roid rage" is intense.  He is lashing out at everyone for seemingly most everything.  His brother is covered in scratches...head to toe.  They cannot be left alone in a room for more than ten seconds without this happening........Paysen mostly just accepts it, doesn't tend to fight back much because he knows its from the medicine.   He is the best brother. 

Every day Paysen prays: "God, please heal my brothers body, help him to not be sick anymore."  He shows such sweet compassion for him, so sweet for his mama to see.

Today is just a day when I feel the heat.........
Thankful for a new start tomorrow!


 We spent some time away a week or so ago.....it was relaxing, and very much needed.  We stayed at our friends house that sits right on a lake......Devan was in an ice fishing tournament, which if you ask me is a terrible idea. 

I spent the entire weekend just hanging around....my friend, who is nine months pregnant was great company and not too too crazy.....  It was the first weekend in a long time when I didn't have to cook....relaxing for sure.



At one point I decided to venture out to my mans "hut" and see what the fuss was about.....I threw on my boots and trucked across the frozen water.  It didn't take but 5 minutes for me to "see" and decide that he can have ice fishing....I want no part.  Although it did seem very intensely exciting sitting in the chair and staring at the hole in the ice, all the while freezing my buns off.....not for me.




Our boys were wild and free there.  It was a good weekend.

I plan on traveling back there again very soon, of course to meet the new baby, but also to relax with our old friends.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

{zero}

-
Image
Today will go down in the books as the longest day ever........ Day Zero. Transplant day. The new beginning. We started the festivities this morning at 4:00 AM......After just going to bed a couple of hours earlier, this was pretty early!!!! Paysen and I headed down to check in for his surgery....you could see the nerves on his face, I could feel them in his tiny hand that I held with in mine.. He had been looking toward this surgery for over a month. There had been so many delays, I can only imagine the things that were going on in My big boy's head...... He mustered the strength to show a brave face, however difficult. We checked him in and headed up. He took comfort in having both parents present for him. He listened as the "Sleep doctor" told of what she would do..... as we watched him we could see the clock ticking, he was growing more nervous. Paysen had a traumatic event in the operating room. It was the worst thing I have witnessed before a s
Read more

26 days.............

-
Image
Twenty six days ago I loaded the Honda up with enough stuff for a one day trip to Denver....... Four Wednesdays, Four weekend visits with our other half....624 hours.....Twenty six days....and Parklen, Phinlynn and I are still here. Parklen's illness has seemed to steadily increase...as time has gone on, each flare up has outdone the last.  This was the worst one yet.  This one made him sicker than he has been,  this one caused concern in everyone that knows Parklen.  This stay in the hospital included a tiny infant to nurse and care for.....this stay included frequent discussion about Parklen's future....and a three ring binder handed to every parent about to take their child into a bone marrow transplant. A binder filled with facts......a binder that will make your mommy tummy churn...... I have spent much time thumbing through the pages of this BMT book.....reading over risks, skimming through rules.....every moment realizing that if I EVER thought my life was har
Read more

{-5}

-
Image
Today is day -5. Today was rough. There is five days left until transplant...... five days..... The new med that they started today was hard.... We're talking, the nurse didn't hardly leave the room for the entire shift..... He had ups and downs... Mostly downs..... There was a point today where Parklen's breathing caused enough alarm for the nurse to push the help button.  I watched as the entire floor worth of nurses and doctors ran down the hall towards my baby's room. He was ok.  But he scared us. There was another point today where he was shaking horribly bad...... couldn't stop if he tried.... The doctors were close by for the entire day. My stomach was in my throat for just as long.... Chemo. Poison. Paysen has lost his cool. Today I watched as he tried to tackle the Chaplin. Later, he layed down in the middle of the halway, refusing to walk...throwing a fit. He is becoming more unlike himself every day. He broke down an
Read more