Where I stand.......

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Here's where I stand.......
I stand afraid,
of the future.....
afraid of the now.
I stand hurt,
I stand weak......
I stand confused and puzzled.

I stand in the face of perfect strangers......
Ones that send me thoughts and prayers and words of my strength,.,,,,
I stand wanting to scream at the top of my lungs....
"I am not strong..." 
For, if for one single moment, I forget about God, take my eyes off of him.....
I am crumbled on the floor,
a weak and hopeless woman.

I do what I must,
and truthfully, some days I don't know how.
I struggle,
I tire.

I know for certain........
I could not maintain.........
with no faith.

and I fail to understand how anyone could..........

I am thankful to God,
that on days like this....
Days before I head to the hospital....
and I feel overwhelmed,
and angry.....
He loves me.

I am thankful that when its hard to see the sunlight......
I can look to my past and remember the good that has been brought to me through my heartache....

I am thankful that when I feel so lonely.....
I am never truly alone.

So....where do I stand?
today.....I don't....
I sit......
I sit and stare at my suitcase......
dreading the monthly pack......
feeling sorry for myself, my baby, and my family.

TOMORROW......
I will pull myself up,
but for today......
I am content where I sit.......

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