Wednesday, February 26, 2014

I write.....

I have been keeping my distance from the blog lately.....
the reason may not be a sound one....
but it is a reason nonetheless.

It started with a nonchalant remark.....
"Well, now that Parklen is home....I suspect you don't have much to be writing on the blog about   anymore."

The words weren't meant to hurt,
they were innocent enough...
but they cut me deep.

My life,
our life....
even Parklen's life....
is bigger than Parklen and his BMT journey.....

but maybe the rest isn't worth reading.......
maybe the rest of my thoughts,
feelings,
experiences.....
are to remain inside of me.

I have spun this over in my head for a couple weeks now.
and you know what?

I realize that there are a lot of people who read this blog,
a lot of friends, family and strangers that take the time to read the words what I write....
and I am so thankful for that,
but this blog started with two readers.....
my husband and one friend who encouraged me to start it in the first place......
two people....
and I wrote anyway....

I wrote and write because it fulfills a part of me that is so deeply inside that nothing else can reach it....
I write because the words have to get out....
because the force of them within me is too powerful!
I write because,
when nothing else is in my control,
my words are.

When I cannot change the terrible things that happen,
I can take them and carefully weave them into a story...
When I cannot contain the happiness that I feel....
I can paint a picture with my words.....

I write because it is who I am.
and although I don't receive a paycheck for this work that I do,
I am given the gift of fulfillment....

There has been so many things that have happened to me,
around me,
through me....

I have been forever changed through difficult circumstances,
through the experience of simple joys found only after deep heartache...

So.
I am still going to write....
I am still going to fill the pages of this blog....
because my life, our life....Parklen's life....
is still happening....

and in some ways,
it is only just beginning....

and I promise....
there is still much to tell.

This is only the forward of our new story....




4 comments:

  1. God bless you, continue to follow your heart and God will see you through and give you many more blessings that can not be taken away by all the other negativity in the world right now.

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  2. I think you should publish all this in a book Amanda. It would be much help to many!

    John

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  3. You have a gift Amanda! God gave you that gift of expression and he WANTS you to share it. Love & Hugs

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  4. I have missed your writing...but hoped it was because having 3 healthy children just kept you too busy :) - not that someone else had stepped on you. Blogs are meant to be personal - you should write what you want, when you want, BECAUSE you want. I hope you continue to do what is best for you and your family. If that means continuing to write, I will continue to follow your story. If that means not writing, I will miss you.

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