no fear

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I have been on the phone too much with Denver.  I keep calling, only to hear that they have no new information for me yet.  This annoys me, although I know there is nothing I, or they, can do to change it.  Waiting on test results takes time.......it just takes more time than I like. 

I don't find myself worrying much about the results....instead more about what the next plan will be. Our whole perspective has been changed.....Its crazy how quickly that can happen. What the doctors and us had thought....wasn't the truth.  Although we were sure he was improving......it was quite the opposite.  I keep staring at the pictures...of his lungs, of his stomach and his colon......I cant stop myself.  Like, maybe if I look long enough the disease will melt away......it wont. 

So, what will we do?!!?!?!?  Who knows......even with all my guesses.....I'm not sure. 

After church on Sunday, our pastor and his wife prayed with me......this couple means the world to Devan and I....our mentors.....our friends.  His words have been ringing in my ears this whole week... "Nothing will happen to Parklen that God doesn't already know about."  And although life is scary and sad things happen....this thought brings me comfort.  God knows what he is doing......I may never understand why....but I understand that HE knows why and that's enough for me. 

Paysen had his last day of pre-school today.....how is that possible?!?!?  Tomorrow is his graduation....I wonder if I could cram a few more emotional events into these two weeks!?!?  Ive been stuffing my face with food since I got home from picking him up for the last time........I think I will write about this later.....I just cant do it right now.

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