What a week it has been......I have been walking around in a strange haze since last Thursday. Unable to really feel anything...
I have two days in a row of celebration this year.....Both honoring one of the best days in my life. Becoming a mother, and becoming a wife.
Yesterday.....mothers day......was a nice. My boys spoiled me, I got to spend some time with my mama and sister and I EVEN got a two hour nap...... can't beat it.
Today is mine and Devan's anniversary......seven years of marriage...SEVEN! It feels so good....not only being married for seven years but being married for seven, very hard years. So many obstacles have shot our way......and with God's help, we have overcome. We have stayed married through more difficulties than many people divorce for......and THAT is something to celebrate. I love Devan....not because of butterflies in my stomach (although he still gives me those) I love him because every morning I wake up and CHOOSE to love him. And, I have to brag that we have a really good time together......we are both equally nerdy.....and compliment one another perfectly.
I will have a date with my husband tonight.....and truthfully I would be happy just sitting and staring at each other......but I think dinner and a movie sound nice too.......:)
Parklen came home on oxygen....he has to use it every time he sleeps. Looking at him, in his own bed....attached to an oxygen tank, breaks my heart. I hate it. I have fought it for years, I never wanted his home to remind him of the hospital......Things are moving quickly in the wrong direction.....I am trying my hardest to remain positive....but I am finding, that its easier to feel nothing. I don't have much of an appetite.....not much of any sort of drive either. It will be a few days until I hear about the biopsies......a few days too long.
Every time I get home from Denver.....I have to "re-set" my relationship with Paysen......The other night we were having our secret time (where we hide out, away from everyone and talk.) I asked Paysen what he worried about most in life, he explained how much he hated Parklen being on oxygen....how he hated him being sick.....and then his words cut straight through my heart....."I just don't want Parky to die." I hate that he thinks about this......hate it.
For today, I will celebrate......My relationship with Devan.......I will strive to not think of "what ifs" and I will continue to pray.