just a little scare.....

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uhhh can you say ham? 


Had a scare last night.....
Its always at least a little bit scary when you have a sick child......
A fearful feeling I have faced many times....

Paysen came down with a little bug over the weekend.....nothing big, but........for Parklens safety he had to go in and see the doc yesterday to rule out anything potentially dangerous that could be passed along.....its never a simple cold.... when a post BMT patient takes up residence in your home.....

Turned out to be something viral.....no biggie for the Payse man.....but concerning for the Man of Steel.....He was cleared to return to school and that was the best news for him....turns out, Paysen is not into staying home.....we left the doctors office yesterday afternoon with simple instructions....keep the boys apart.....easy enough right?!?!?!?  

Fast forward to last night......the boys are sleeping and Devan and I are finishing up some late night tasks.....up comes Parklen......"mom, I don't feel good....."
a few moments later came the vomit....

I can do vomit....I can do sick messes......they do not phase me a bit....
I have spent countless nights changing sheets and sopping up messes....
Parklen spent the first few years of his life throwing up each and every day....night....morning...afternoon.
I am not phased by the smell, by the mess....
It is brought to an entirely different level now.....
The fragility of Parklen's state....
the glass egg of which I am entrusted to.....

In a moments time, what seemed like a million things passed through my mind.....
at the forefront was "the list."
The list they send you home with....
the instructions to follow....
When to call,
When to rush to the hospital....
My mind was racing and my heart beating quickly, as Devan used soft spoken words to calm me down.  "He is going to be alright..."

He didn't have a fever and so there was no rush to the hospital....
He set up camp on the couch, looking pitiful and crummy.....
I stationed myself across the living room so I could keep my eye on him....watching for any sign of distress.
The night seemed to last for days....
the lump in my throat,
the baby girl who decided it was a perfect night to play....
the small boy who captured my attention with each breath....

As the morning rolled around my mind was fuzzy and my body weak....
Stress.
It can eat you even when you are sitting still.....it fills your body with a poison that is not easily shaken..
as I rolled over to face Parklen I was unsure what I would see....
as he looked up his eyes met mine, and then he smiled.

That little upward curve of his lips was all I needed......
A call to Denver further calmed my nerves.
Just watch and see....
no emergency.

We spent the day trying to recover from our long night....
boy smiles and baby giggles are the best medicine for such a task.
The day passed slowly and we all felt heavy from the lack of sleep....
but Parklen picked up where he left off....
there wasn't a single sign of sickness when he awoke....

I am so thankful for nights like that.....
nights that open up the curtains and offer a peek into once was....
an opportunity to lay eyes upon what used to be our normal.....
a view of how far we have come.....
a deeper appreciation for our new norm....

Can you be thankful for the mess?
I am confident that tomorrow will be filled with energy and spunk....
and for that I am also thankful....
sometimes it takes a little bit of bad to help you appreciate the good that much more.......






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