She is one....
not that long ago....
and yet it seems like many many years...
We had been awaiting the arrival of our first daughter....
and on this day,
she made her appearance.
The past year has been the toughest in my life....
no exaggeration there.
I had spent many nights in the children's hospital with Parklen during my pregnancy....
sleeping on the tiny bed they provide for parents....
every night thinking of the baby growing inside of me and how little I felt I had to give her.
How could I possibly love another child?
I felt as though I had nothing left to give.....
Never could I have dreamed or imagined the impact that one tiny baby girl could have on my life...
our family's lives.....
She came into this world quickly and it took one look,
one moment,
one breath,
one tiny cry....
and I knew I would never be the same.
When you have children....more than one,
you find that you love them all equally....
but differently.
Each child I have given birth to, fills a different piece of my heart.....
and before Phinlynn,
I was unaware that there was an open space.
but in her first moments,
I felt as though I was going to explode.
I could not stop crying....
There she was.
my daughter.
And there she has been....
my daughter.
When we found out we were expecting we were filled with nerves.
How would another child fit into the life we had?
How could we find the time?
What about all the sickness?
The doctors?
the hospital?
The events that have taken place in her life are huge....
and I cannot imagine going through one of the moments with out her in my arms.
She brings a light to my life that is unexplainable.
A ray of sunshine that is eye squinting bright....
She fits perfectly into our family....
perfectly into my heart....
She is petite
and lovely.
She is happy
and smart.
She brings a sense of balance to our home...
a little more pink.
A lot more love...
She brings out the tenderness in her brothers....her dad.
Last summer, When Parklen was in the ICU she and I stayed in that room for about a month....
The glass walls,
the beeping of machines,
the tubes,
the procedures,
the emergency surgeries,
the doctors,
the treatments....
it can be so tough to find happiness in that situation....
but when you have a baby to hold,
to love....
When I would look at her, I could not feel sad.
She changed the situation.
She offered a great distraction....for me, and even for Parklen......who constantly held her, even while he had a breathing tube.
Phinlynn......
you are our best surprise.
You are beautiful.
You are loved.
You are more than I could have ever imagined.
You are a blessing.
You are amazing.....
The things that God has in store for you must be incredible....
because,
although you are only one...
you have already changed so many lives!
There is a certain guilt that I feel,
a sadness almost .
The past year has been so tough,
and there hasn't been much time....
I feel like I haven't had the opportunity to spend enough time just enjoying a new baby.....
but,
then I realize......
Phinlynn never was just a new baby...
She was and is an angel....
sent to our family....
to her mother...
to offer an abundance of love and happiness in the midst of our darkest days.....
We had a very small celebration.
Just family.
Not even all of them....
Birthday's are one of my favorite things.....
We have a huge family and usually we have HUGE parties....
but for the safety of our glass egg....we opted for a low key.......
(not to mention there are a lot of requirements needed to enter our home)
Happy birthday to our Pixie....
She.
Is.
ONE!!!
One special girl....
One smart little lady....
One cute gal.....
One killer dancer.....
ONE YEAR OLD!
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