Amanda and the Hendersons

Yesterday there was a birthday in the Henderson house.....Paysen, our sensitive, loving, smart, compassionate, witty, and wonderful boy turned 6!  Surprisingly I didn't shed any birthday tears like normal.....I found myself too busy trying to just make it through his day whilst feeling super sick.  We do a lot of candles for our birthdays!!  We start at breakfast......a request for his favorite, white chocolate pancakes adorned with some fire sticks is a good way to start your special day.  He got to choose his dinner location......Olive Garden was his desire.....and so we went!!  It was so cute and funny to watch his face as the staff sang happy birthday!  Another candle..... We ended the night with cake......I am not able to bake right now (this pregnancy is KICKING my butt) so instead of purchasing a cake, a friend of mine offered to bake him his homemade strawberry request.......more candles. We celebrated his birthday with friends a cou...

Let me tell you a little story....Its a crazy one. I can recall at least a dozen different people that asked me this question in the past 4 months, "Are you guys going to have any more kids?"  Each and every time I would answer, "I'm not sure, but defiantly not right now, things are just too crazy."  I believed this to be true. A little over a month ago I started having little feelings, feelings that I ignored.  About three weeks ago I found myself unable to drink ANY coffee.....none.....at ALL (if you really know me, you know that this is a big deal....I live for coffee)    That's when I knew.  Nothing on this entire earth could keep me away from my coffee.....well except for one thing..... I took a few tests at home, You could barely see the result and Devan insisted it wasn't there.....After a blood test, our thoughts were confirmed.  We are having a baby......a BABY.  Another child, ONE more human in our home......a baby.  ...

This week has been an emotional and crazy ride.  I am not alone in Denver...Devan and Paysen are along for this trip............having someone to share the drive with is a wonderful gift....it will be especially wonderful when I leave the hospital this afternoon, after arriving at 5:20 am for Parklen's surgery and spending last night waking up every hour in a panic in fear that I had overslept.  This girl is going to be napping it in the car.....(this is a risky move around Devan...he is known to snap pictures of his dear wife snoozing along with open mouth, drool and all....) Parklen is back in surgery right now.....they are repairing his teeth that have been rotted away from his disease and his constant meds.....after that they will look at his lungs and see how they are looking after three months of treatment.  I am trying to hold myself together....but its been tough this week.  We took Paysen school shopping and the very thought of having a week and a...

Well hello there......Been awhile eh?  Life has been keeping me busy, as it tends to do.  Some pretty exciting things happening for little Parklen that I would like to share......   A group of wonderful people are putting on a charity tennis tournament for the little dude!!! Awesome right?  Yes!!!  What's that you say? You don't know how to play tennis?  Well, me neither....really.  Unless, of course, you count Devan and I trying to hit each other with the balls in what we like to call, "Combat Tennis."  Fun stuff there.  There is going to be a beginners bracket...which we will play in and I hope, if you can, you will join us.  You can find the information about the festivities here . Annnnd, even if you decide not to play, there will be a lot of fun stuff going on!!  We are really excited about all of the support and help!! It is easing the "Going to Maryland" stress quite a bit!  What have all of you been doing?...

This is how Parklen rolled around the floor today.....riding along on his IV pole. Yesterday when we came to the hospital, and they accessed Parklen's port......he didn't want me to hold him......because, "he's not a baby."  So I didn't.....  I could see him smiling behind his mask.... He did it, he isn't a baby.  I have dreaded this trip since our last one.  My spirits aren't high.  Three years and eight months of hospital's are getting to me.  Its something that I am used to, but I wish every day that I wasn't. This month the plan is different than it was last.  Its hard to try and explain to everyone who asks........ They are changing his daily meds to a much stronger drug....one they have tried before but not this high of a dose......hoping that he will respond better to it.  They are considering another round of scopes and tests next month.  And I have been reminded once again, to "think about the transplant." His...

Here's where I stand....... I stand afraid, of the future..... afraid of the now. I stand hurt, I stand weak...... I stand confused and puzzled. I stand in the face of perfect strangers...... Ones that send me thoughts and prayers and words of my strength,.,,,, I stand wanting to scream at the top of my lungs.... "I am not strong..."  For, if for one single moment, I forget about God, take my eyes off of him..... I am crumbled on the floor, a weak and hopeless woman. I do what I must, and truthfully, some days I don't know how. I struggle, I tire. I know for certain........ I could not maintain......... with no faith. and I fail to understand how anyone could.......... I am thankful to God, that on days like this.... Days before I head to the hospital.... and I feel overwhelmed, and angry..... He loves me. I am thankful that when its hard to see the sunlight...... I can look to my past and remember the good that has been brought t...

I feel like I have been really absent from my blog lately.  Not on purpose.....really, or maybe it is.  Life has been more of the same lately.  Sometimes I feel like I have nothing new to write about.  Its just things...repeating themselves...over and over.  So, I think that maybe people don't want to read my same thoughts....about my troubles....Then someone asks me, "why haven't you been blogging?" So I will. We are heading down to Denver this coming week.  Me and the boys.  Parklen is getting three more days of treatments and we will talk about what they have come up with as far as the future goes.  Thanks to his awesome medicine,,(have I mentioned my hatred for Prednisone?) Parklen isn't sleeping well.....at all.  Some nights its just restlessness, some....he is completely, crazy wide awake....Sometimes he wakes me up screaming..... its different each night.... but one thing remains the same, he and I are not sleeping.  Th...