Amanda and the Hendersons

No one ever told me what it was like to have a boy.  No one warned me of the number a little boy would do on my heart.  No one told me that no matter who has loved you before, no love can compare to the love your own little boy will give.  Paysen was the biggest life changer for me.  He came along just in time to save me from myself. . . .before Paysen I didn't see the world like I do now, I cared about having fun and being crazy.   From the moment I found out that I was pregnant my life has never been the same.  I instantly felt like a new person.  I never took  a responsibility so seriously.  I was definantly one of the craziest women EVER during this time.  Being pregnant, I couldn't read enough books, I couldn't research enough, I couldn't ask my doctor enough questions, I couldn't eat healthy enough, I could NOT have tried harder than I did. I walked around with a feeling unlike any other.  I was to be a mother, someone would call me mommy.  I couldn'

It is very sad when my two year old son says, while I am carrying him, "mom, I don't wanna fall down."  He says this because, well, I fall down a lot. I am really good at falling down, but I am also really good at making sure its me that gets hurt and not him.  I guess my gracefulness is where Parklen gets his.  This kid is a walking bruise.  He, AT ALL TIMES, has either a black eye, goose egg, scrape, bruise, gash or something bloody.  I am lucky that he is my 2nd child, I got most of my crying out when Paysen used to fall. . . . it still hurts me, but I am much more relaxed.  Had he been my first, I would probably have heart problems from watching him get hurt so much. He falls, he cries, "mommy, you have to kiss it."  So I do.  Then the crying is done.  Parklen's attitude is priceless.  He will always do it himself, unless its walking. . . .he insists that he cannot walk. . . HE is where I get my muscles, my constant built in work out!  He wants to giv

 Last week was my Project completing week.  I really accomplished a lot. . . .some times I am amazed at what can be accomplished with two little boys around.  I tackled things that I have wanted to do forever and haven't made the time for.. . . . I love love LOVE do it yourself projects. I love to improve things around our house. . .I love crafting. . .So not too shabby of a week for me in that regard. I took off our Pantry door in the kitchen, primed it with magnetic primer, coated it with Chalk Board Paint. . and now, a new message center. Did the same thing with Paysen's closet door. . . .I love chalk board paint, I wasn't so crazy about the magnetic primer, probably wont use it again.  I got pretty woozy using it, it was super stinky and messy too. Got about 20 pages of Parklen's scrap book completed!! This is huge for me, after putting it off for over two years. I got a ton  of organizing done, and most importantly I got a ton of cuddling with my beautiful bo

Today will be my last sick day with Paysen.  I am sending him to school in the morning.  He says that he is ready to go back and then in the next breath says he cant eat anything but ice cream because his throat just hurts too bad.  Cracks me up that he thinks he is fooling me......Trust me, I know that he is doing rather well, I know that he could choke down some mashed potatoes....but I just don't care.  I don't care that he is feeling better and wants to continue to milk the situation.  I don't care that he thinks he is smarter than me.  All I care about is giving him a sense of comfort.  Paysen has suffered much with his brother being ill.  Sometimes I am sure that it is harder on him than anyone else in our family.  He is been shuffled between family members, left behind as the rest of his family headed south. He has witnessed a sense of torture upon his brother......pokes, tests, tubes, surgeries and ICU visits.  He was only two when his brother first was sick, hard

One of the most important things I have learned is that LOVE is not a feeling. It is mistaken for a feeling all the time. . . .people divorce because they don’t “love” each other anymore, have affairs because they have fallen in “love” with someone else, say “I love you” to their spouse without showing them that they do. God says to “Love your neighbor as yourself” I am sure that we all know people that we see as completely unlovable. . .meaning we don’t like them, they are different from us in such a way we cant relate. . .I have learned that Love is not a feeling at all, LOVE is an action. When you love your spouse, you show them everyday. You do things, you ACT. You take action in a way that they know. . . . .To love your neighbor as yourself is to take action, going out of your way to help someone in need, treating all people you meet with a sense of respect, remembering that you don’t know what their story is, but you can LOVE them. I hope to teach my kids to LOVE people.  In o

I have been extremely spoiled lately by my husband. . .I am talking extremely.  I am not going to lie, its been awesome. . . I cant put my finger on the exact time of the beginning of this extreme. . . .but whats it matter? For Christmas Devan always gives me my gifts about the beginning of December because he just cant wait. . .This year I decided I wasn't having it.  One day (about two weeks early) Devan came storming in the house with a giant plastic bag. . ."Okay sit down I have your present" "I don't want it" "You HAVE to open it and if you don't you will be really mad at yourself. . .trust me"  "fine"  Well I closed my eyes and when I opened them there was the camera I have been wanting for more than 5 years now. . . not just the camera, an extra lens, bag, accessories. . .WOW. I started  screaming so loud, "WHAT DID YOU DO?" the boys were like, "mom are you okay? Whats wrong?"  nice spoil. . . There is few

Well, as it seems. . .you can accomplish a lot when you CAN’T LEAVE YOUR HOUSE!!! Paysen is still recovering from his tonsillectomy last week. . .and by recovering I mean. . .barely eating or drinking. .crying a lot and slobbering everywhere. Its not like I am not used to taking care of a sick child. I’ve done that. But the child that is usually sick is much different than the current. Parklen has gotten some- what used to being sick (When he is) He knows what to expect, takes medicine with ease, and I just know how to comfort him, Paysen is no good at being sick. He has barely experienced feeling ill in his short life. I can recall, maybe 3 ear infections, and strep throat twice. For a four year old that’s pretty good. Truth is he is breaking my heart. He wont take medicine with out a fight, doesn’t understand that the more you cry the more you hurt. And the worst part is when he feels good for a few minutes, he jumps up to play. . .plays so hard for that short time and then feels w

Have you simply ever wondered? Wondered what tomorrow brings? Wondered how you got to today? Wondered how, in spite of the stupid mistakes you have made, you are blessed beyond belief? Wondered, about the small moments you have missed by worrying? I am finding myself pondering the questions of life.  Little things are happening around me, all the time.  My children are growing, they are learning and they are laughing. My marriage is growing as well, I am married to my best friend, I am free to be who I am and loved anyway.    When Parklen was at his worst, that is what defined our family.  When we looked down at our baby, in the ICU and didnt know if he would make it through, we were the parents of a sick baby, and Paysen the brother of one.  We related everything in our lives to Parklen's illness. Its a consuming disease that affects our everyday. . .but its not who we are. When Devan began a new life journy at age 34 we let it define us.  What a brave and crazy thing

It has been a fun couple of months of celebrating!! There has been Thanksgiving, My Birthday, Christmas and New Years!! With all of the Excitement there has been I still have to say I am ready for a Break from Holidays!  I am happy that the tree is gone and happy that the new year has begun!  It seems as though our family eats up a year in a blink of an eye. . .2010 was a great year for us........Devan had a successful year of schooling, We moved into our new home, we discovered tball and soccer for Paysen and we finally got the diagnosis that we had been waiting for on Parklen.  I sum it up as a success.   The boys are now at an age where they really appreciate the existence of one another, they are no longer just brothers, they are friends.  It is a joy to watch your children love each other!!  Paysen on Christmas Eve! The festivities had just begun so I am really unsure why he looks so tired. Parky on Christmas Eve. . .He was soooo hot he had to take off his shirt! Parky lost a