Friday, December 13, 2013

letters.......{cell phone pics again.....yes, I still own a camera....)

Each day, as I open up letters and care packages I cannot believe the abundance of love that I feel.....

My heart swells with each tear of an envelope.....
There is love within those flaps of paper....
love for Parklen,
our family,
us.......
many letters, cards and packages come from old friends....
new friends,
parents of old friends,
people i have met in passing,
friends of friends......
family,
and many many many of them come from people of whom I have never met.

Can I tell you the feeling of love I get cannot be described in words.....
each word I read brings tears to my eyes....

A lot of the cards and letters include this phrase...."keep telling your story"
At times, I honestly feel like the story has been told......
That more than likely, people have grown tired of the same old thing......
The words that i type out......have become old news......and I should stop.

But then I read the letters of encouragement.....I read them......often through tears.....
and as I read them I know that this story....
Parklen's story,
Devan's
Paysen's
Phinlynn's 
and mine.......
our story is not over yet......

There is still much to be told......

There are new twists each day....

The base of our story, 
our journey....
it stays the same....

We are a family,
a family that is consumed with faith....
a family that has seen difficulties....
but more importantly,
we are a family that has seen grace.
God's grace.

We have seen the blessings of strength through hardship....
of peace in the turmoil.....
of calm in the storm....

I, as a mother have experienced the most fulfilling position....
I have been gifted the chance to love and care for three very different children......
I have been able to feel God's strength as I have grown weak...
the times when I should have leaned upon Him....
and yet found myself falling towards Him instead.....

I have seen many miracles....
I have seen the face of God in my children...
in their accomplishments....

I have seen desperation....
I have seen the face of a child...my child, 
the child that was so close to leaving too soon......

I have heard the words, 
the words telling me that Parklen's future was uncertain....

I have traveled through years of marriage....
overcoming obstacles that often lead to divorce....
I have held the hand of a man that will always hold my heart....

I have looked into the face of my husband and have seen fear....
I have watched as his heart for his children has grown.....
his softness and tenderness multiplied.....

I have gotten angry with my partner...
wished that he could see through my eyes...
hear my thoughts....

I have realized, 
through hurt, 
time, 
and trials....
that it is more of blessing than a curse......
that the man I love deals with things his own way....

We keep on fighting through this time....
we fight with each other.....
we fight with ourselves....
but we both know,
we are safe.

I have decided,
long ago.....





nothing will destroy my marriage....
nothing.

Nothing will destroy my family.....
nothing.

Nothing will destroy my faith,.....
nothing.

My life lessons,
my journey....
the words I speak....write....
they have been discredited before....
 I have been called "too young"
but the lessons I have learned......
the things that have been forced upon me.....
those things.....
don't see the number of an age.....
they don't see my face....
they don't choose the most fit person to experience them....
No, 
hardship gives you the chance to decide.....
will you or won't you?

Will you preserver?
can you?

My answer has always been no.
I cannot.

but God can,

As I sit here.....
typing out these words.....
I look over to my son laying on the couch....
my daughter playing.....
I have flashes of moments that come before my eyes.....
years worth of visions....both hard and happy....
and they all come together to make a great story.....
stitched into a story of faith.

Today is day +45 after transplant.....
we had a little scare...
a runny nose....
seemingly innocent....(all kids get runny noses)
but potentially catastrophic.....
the test for viruses came back negative......
Parklen is doing well.....
He is morphing from a sick child.....one with little energy,
into a wild and healthy boy......

His journey is not close to completion.....
His road ahead is long......
but he is ready to travel....

The best is yet to be....

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