Friday, December 6, 2013

no guarantee

We spent the day at the hospital today....for some good things and some routine things....

It started with a trip for Parklen to the Make-a-wish store.....
this is an amazing thing that they do there at the hospital.....
They take the kids that are patients......
they give them an escort and then they let them go shopping in the store with "wish bucks"
They get to shop for 6 people of their choosing.......
and they get to meet Mr. and Mrs. Claus...
After they pick out their presents, the elves wrap them up and the children and delivered back to their parents......



Parklen enjoyed himself so much!!!

We then had some appointments in the clinic.....blood draws, dressing changes, blood transfusions....a check up.

Things went fine in the clinic.....Parklen is doing so well.........

As I saw the look on Parklen's face as he exited the "store" I just could not wait to write about it....
Although our day went rather well.....there was a dark cloud hanging above me the entire time.

I had known when I saw the doctor first thing this morning,
I had known as I looked at his eyes.......the sadness could not be hidden.....
I knew for sure when I saw him push the number for the floor where the PICU is.....

Sometimes.....if you pay attention to things around you, not a word has to be spoken to know that something is wrong.

When you become part of the hospital.....when you are there so much, when you know the norm....you can feel the sadness when it is at its strongest.

There is a wonderful family that has lived near to us while we have been here.....
I passed them in the halls every day at the hospital.....
many times at the apartment.....
I spoke with them....

I have prayed for them.

I felt a stronger connection with them than any one else I have ever met in the hospital or elsewhere.....in the past five years.
We didn't know a lot about one another......
We never sat down for a long conversation.....

but the connection was in my heart.....
Their journey had been a lot like ours.......
When I saw this mother....I felt an abundance of love in my heart.....before I even knew her name.
and thats all that I will say about that.

At the end of the 7 + hours we had spent at the hospital I slipped on Parklen's socks.....
As I was putting his 5 year old little foot inside the blue and red superman sock the tears just came.....
I couldn't stop.
I just thought to myself.........There is a mother today......that will never get to do this seemingly small task...again.

The simple action of dressing my sons feet.....putting on his shoes......

Can you imagine losing that?

Can you imagine waking up with none of that responsibility left to have.......

Can you even imagine?

Sometimes sadness comes......and you cannot stop it, no matter how hard you try.
Sadness so deep that you crave comfort more than anything else.....
Sometimes guilt follows the sadness........
as it has today......
as I look at my son.....
the one who made it out of the hospital.
The thankfulness for his well being......and the sadness for the mother who cannot say the same.

Life is so short.
Sometimes it is much shorter than what seems fair.
There isn't any rhyme or reason to the death of a child.....any child.
It is a part of this life that hurts the most.....

I have said it so many times before but I cannot stress it enough.....
Hug your babies tonight......
Smile while you put on their socks.....help tie their shoes......
Hug them every day.....
Remember the gift that they are.....
and remember that tomorrow is never a guarantee.....




No comments:

Post a Comment