94
Today is day +94
94 days....seems like a life time......
This morning Parklen and I were snuggled up,
I was holding his hand as he slept away.....
As I ran my thumb back and forth,
I couldn't help but notice his tiny little fingernails peering out over the tops of his fingers....
Something seemingly small made my heart skip a beat.
Parklen has always, for as long as I can remember......had a habit of picking his fingernails, and fingers....
It was always his way to cope when he felt sad, scared or nervous.....
sad thing was, he was always sad, scared or nervous.
His fingers would often bleed....
Even when he was in the ICU, and he had a breathing tube in place....
when he couldn't move his body or speak a single word....
he picked his fingernails.
As soon as they would take his fragile wrists out of the restraints that kept him from pulling out his breathing tube if he woke up in a panic....the moment those white velcro straps came off....he would lift up his frail hands....his bony arms, that could barely move....would find their way towards one another....
and he would pick.
Today as I looked at his small, little boy fingers with nails that needed trimmed....I just felt so happy.
Happy because there is such a change in my little boy....
from the top of his head all the way to his fingers and toes.....
To think that my five year old has never felt stress free,
to think about him being so nervous and worried....all the time.
To think about him letting go of all of those feelings....
He gets to be a kid now,
he isn't worried about things....
Isn't consumed with stress,
he can breathe....literally and figuratively.
Such a small sign of such big things.....that have happened
.....and that are to come.
We are with out our other half this weekend.....
Just the three of us......
Which leaves plenty of time for napping and cuddling....
and that is ok with me.....
94 days....seems like a life time......
This morning Parklen and I were snuggled up,I was holding his hand as he slept away.....
As I ran my thumb back and forth,
I couldn't help but notice his tiny little fingernails peering out over the tops of his fingers....
Something seemingly small made my heart skip a beat.
Parklen has always, for as long as I can remember......had a habit of picking his fingernails, and fingers....
It was always his way to cope when he felt sad, scared or nervous.....
sad thing was, he was always sad, scared or nervous.
His fingers would often bleed....
Even when he was in the ICU, and he had a breathing tube in place....
when he couldn't move his body or speak a single word....
he picked his fingernails.
As soon as they would take his fragile wrists out of the restraints that kept him from pulling out his breathing tube if he woke up in a panic....the moment those white velcro straps came off....he would lift up his frail hands....his bony arms, that could barely move....would find their way towards one another....
and he would pick.
Today as I looked at his small, little boy fingers with nails that needed trimmed....I just felt so happy.
Happy because there is such a change in my little boy....
from the top of his head all the way to his fingers and toes.....
To think that my five year old has never felt stress free,
to think about him being so nervous and worried....all the time.
To think about him letting go of all of those feelings....
He gets to be a kid now,
he isn't worried about things....
Isn't consumed with stress,
he can breathe....literally and figuratively.
Such a small sign of such big things.....that have happened
.....and that are to come.
We are with out our other half this weekend.....
Just the three of us......
Which leaves plenty of time for napping and cuddling....
and that is ok with me.....
As a life-long nail-biter (who has never experienced the type of stress Parklen has) I say CELEBRATE!!! It may seem like a small thing, but it is huge! I have been following your blog for only a few weeks (since seeing the article in the Casper paper), and I am constantly amazed by the positive attitude you show in the face of everything. Keep posting the good news!
ReplyDeleteWeird.....I pretty much quit "nail biting" fter my transplant too....wonder what that is all about?
ReplyDeleteDavid