Monday, January 20, 2014

What would have been.....



Today marks the 100th day from the original transplant day.
The original "day +100" had we not had any hang ups....

It got me thinking this morning as I stared at that number on the calendar.....
What would things have been like if it were.....

Parklen is doing so amazing.....
and I can remember the pure devastation of putting off the transplant.....twice.
I can remember feeling as though things were not going right....

What if the doctors hadn't found the abnormal tests that made them wait?
Would Parklen still be doing great?

What if we would have pushed through....
and the problems came up when it was too late?

What if Parklen were still in the hospital,
or doing poorly because of missed information?

It would be amazing if today were day +100.....
but, its not.

Instead, today is day +83.
and thank God for that.

83 days towards our goal......
and 83 days of doing great......
and no matter how hard is sometimes is to have to wait.....
God's timing really is the best timing and I am thankful I do not have to know what would have been.......

Exciting things are happening for us.....
and our future is near....


There is a beautiful home awaiting our return.....
one that is being prepared in the best possible ways for Parklen....
One that is just waiting to be filled with happy memories.....
healthy memories.

A safe place for him to continue his healing....

After this weekend I became very much aware that having two healthy boys is going to be amazingly different than our past......
Two boys that struggle to slow down,
rather than the one who watched mostly from the comfort of the couch....dozing off between tiny bursts of energy.

A brother.....little, but big....
learning what the word play really means.
Taking a crash course on being a boy....
Setting aside his controller to find adventure of his own.





There will always be the what ifs....
the moments of wondering.

What would have been had I listened early on when they told me Parklen just had bad luck?
What would have been had I not continued to search for answers for my baby?
What if I chose to quiet my inner voice?
What if his disease would have progressed more quickly?
What if this summer would have turned out differently?
What if we had been right when we thought Parklen was our last baby?
What if Paysen wasn't a perfect match?
What if?

These questions....
waste time.
These thoughts....
are better left alone.
Spending time thinking this way......takes away the joy of the moment you are in......

Because, not knowing what would have been makes me able to know what is.....
What is now,
what was yesterday....
And seeing my today,
my family's present......
makes the excitement for tomorrow amazingly worth every planned event we have missed.....

What would have been?
Who knows?

So thankful for timing that is greater than mine!!!!

The nice weather this weekend was such a blessing for the boys.....













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