Feva....

-
Parky hasn't felt great.
Started slowly......
increasing every day over a weeks time.....

Seemed like a cold.
Looked like a cold.
Had a tiny fever the other day.....
and after a trip to the doc, we all agreed.....it was probably a cold.

Yesterday as he said, "mom....my eyes feel like they are on fire."
I quickly reached for the thermometer...
as I peered down at the result I literally could feel my stomach jump into my throat.....
103 degrees......
It could not be.........
another check.......
it was.

There was a small sense of panic.
He didn't look terrible.
He didn't act like a kid with a fever.....
but there he was, with a fever.


I followed the rules.......I called Denver.
and I swallowed hard as the words came....."take him to the ER."


I have worked so hard to keep him safe.....
the very last thing I wanted to do was march him into an emergency room full of sickness.....

I loaded him up in the car and my stomach was just in knots.....
tied up with thoughts of days passed.....
twisted with memories of what once was.

How many times have I driven Parklen to the hospital?
How many times has he scared me with a fever?
countless.......

It has been 209 days since his transplant..........
We have been home for months......
and no big scares since we moved back.

He had made it this far.....
without an incident.....

But no matter how much time has passed, the memories and the fear of fevers is fresh........
The days spent in the ICU....the moments spent watching him unable to breathe....unable to speak....the minutes and hours worth of waiting during emergency surgeries......
They all started with a fever.

After hours spent in the cold room,
after tons of communication between our home hospital and Denver....
After a dose of IV antibiotics......
After pictures drawn,
movies watched....
After snacks eaten and juice drank.....
We were sent home.....

No certain answers.....

But the little boy, who raced me to the car.......
and giggled all the way,
erased my fears....
and quieted my worries.

We still don't know what caused the fever.....
but today, his temp was normal.

It is so tough to have pieces of your heart walking around in the world.....
to love another bunch of humans more than your own self.....
To realize that very little is actually in your control.
Motherhood is such a gift.....
but on days like yesterday.....it can be heavy.....
It can be hard.

Phinlynn is feeling crummy.......
and I am fighting like crazy to stop the cycle of sickness under this roof.

I am so thankful for the power of prayer.
Thankful for friends who show support in many ways...
thankful for days that remind me of where we came from.
Thankful for quick resolve...
for chocolate,
for coffee.....
I am thankful for Clorox....
for Lysol....

I am thankful for months with no fevers.......
and thankful for today.






I am thankful for a little girl who loves puddles.......
and pictures of her and her daddy.....
even if they have not one thing to do with Fevers.......

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Time

-
Image
It sure has been some time. Time since I sat before this blank page that used to bring me such comfort.  Time since I shared deep feelings.. Time since I opened the curtain into my heart, for all to see. Time ticks by. Ever quickly. They say that time heals all wounds... I think anyone who has suffered a broken heart, knows thats not the truth, Who are they  anyway? Time forms. Like the hands of the potter... moving, moulding, squeezing, pinching. As the clay spins, the potter changes it. It isn't healed, it is... becoming something new. That is what time does. It changes us. Into something new. Forms. Different. Pressure is no stranger to me. My life has been woven with the thread of pain, of squeezing discomfort. Tension. Difficulties, Heartache. I recently found myself in thought about who I was. Who I have been.. The little girl, the teenager, the new wife, the young mother, the hospital mom, the friend, the estranged, the sister. I. Have. Changed. I am new. I am different...
Read more

{zero}

-
Image
Today will go down in the books as the longest day ever........ Day Zero. Transplant day. The new beginning. We started the festivities this morning at 4:00 AM......After just going to bed a couple of hours earlier, this was pretty early!!!! Paysen and I headed down to check in for his surgery....you could see the nerves on his face, I could feel them in his tiny hand that I held with in mine.. He had been looking toward this surgery for over a month. There had been so many delays, I can only imagine the things that were going on in My big boy's head...... He mustered the strength to show a brave face, however difficult. We checked him in and headed up. He took comfort in having both parents present for him. He listened as the "Sleep doctor" told of what she would do..... as we watched him we could see the clock ticking, he was growing more nervous. Paysen had a traumatic event in the operating room. It was the worst thing I have witnessed before a s...
Read more

26 days.............

-
Image
Twenty six days ago I loaded the Honda up with enough stuff for a one day trip to Denver....... Four Wednesdays, Four weekend visits with our other half....624 hours.....Twenty six days....and Parklen, Phinlynn and I are still here. Parklen's illness has seemed to steadily increase...as time has gone on, each flare up has outdone the last.  This was the worst one yet.  This one made him sicker than he has been,  this one caused concern in everyone that knows Parklen.  This stay in the hospital included a tiny infant to nurse and care for.....this stay included frequent discussion about Parklen's future....and a three ring binder handed to every parent about to take their child into a bone marrow transplant. A binder filled with facts......a binder that will make your mommy tummy churn...... I have spent much time thumbing through the pages of this BMT book.....reading over risks, skimming through rules.....every moment realizing that if I EVER thought...
Read more