Monday, May 26, 2014

Feva....

Parky hasn't felt great.
Started slowly......
increasing every day over a weeks time.....

Seemed like a cold.
Looked like a cold.
Had a tiny fever the other day.....
and after a trip to the doc, we all agreed.....it was probably a cold.

Yesterday as he said, "mom....my eyes feel like they are on fire."
I quickly reached for the thermometer...
as I peered down at the result I literally could feel my stomach jump into my throat.....
103 degrees......
It could not be.........
another check.......
it was.

There was a small sense of panic.
He didn't look terrible.
He didn't act like a kid with a fever.....
but there he was, with a fever.


I followed the rules.......I called Denver.
and I swallowed hard as the words came....."take him to the ER."


I have worked so hard to keep him safe.....
the very last thing I wanted to do was march him into an emergency room full of sickness.....

I loaded him up in the car and my stomach was just in knots.....
tied up with thoughts of days passed.....
twisted with memories of what once was.

How many times have I driven Parklen to the hospital?
How many times has he scared me with a fever?
countless.......

It has been 209 days since his transplant..........
We have been home for months......
and no big scares since we moved back.

He had made it this far.....
without an incident.....

But no matter how much time has passed, the memories and the fear of fevers is fresh........
The days spent in the ICU....the moments spent watching him unable to breathe....unable to speak....the minutes and hours worth of waiting during emergency surgeries......
They all started with a fever.

After hours spent in the cold room,
after tons of communication between our home hospital and Denver....
After a dose of IV antibiotics......
After pictures drawn,
movies watched....
After snacks eaten and juice drank.....
We were sent home.....

No certain answers.....

But the little boy, who raced me to the car.......
and giggled all the way,
erased my fears....
and quieted my worries.

We still don't know what caused the fever.....
but today, his temp was normal.

It is so tough to have pieces of your heart walking around in the world.....
to love another bunch of humans more than your own self.....
To realize that very little is actually in your control.
Motherhood is such a gift.....
but on days like yesterday.....it can be heavy.....
It can be hard.

Phinlynn is feeling crummy.......
and I am fighting like crazy to stop the cycle of sickness under this roof.

I am so thankful for the power of prayer.
Thankful for friends who show support in many ways...
thankful for days that remind me of where we came from.
Thankful for quick resolve...
for chocolate,
for coffee.....
I am thankful for Clorox....
for Lysol....

I am thankful for months with no fevers.......
and thankful for today.






I am thankful for a little girl who loves puddles.......
and pictures of her and her daddy.....
even if they have not one thing to do with Fevers.......

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