Amanda and the Hendersons

Okay. Here goes my Grinch moment.......... I hate Santa. *sigh* I really feel much better now that I've gotten that off of my chest.      This deep rooted hatred very well could stretch WAY back to my childhood, where my parents never allowed me to believe. It was always made known to me, even as a small child, that he wasn't real. That Jesus was the reason for Christmas and Santa nothing more than a filler.           I can understand the excitement that kids feel in anticipation of Santa. But it doesn't make me like him any more. Some of my distaste towards him is more than likely for selfish reasons.  I don't like giving him the credit for all the presents, the good presents or really much of anything..... I have a desire to make him look bad on Christmas morning....(Trust me when I say that I know how terrible this sounds )  If I didn't have to send my children to school, where other kids believe, I would h...

I turned 28 today, It was a good day. The transition was made slightly better by the fact that an oral surgery on Monday  left my face slightly swollen, seriously making me look 5 years younger(cant you see the humor in my insanity)....I woke up and said, "oh my gosh Devan, look how young I look."  he thinks I'm nuts, this I am sure. My boys helped with breakfast, I got the boots I have had my eye on, I was treated to lunch, and received a million Happy Birthday messages. I will be given a night away from motherhood this weekend, and  rest will come. Tomorrow my home will be filled with twenty people, I will be partaking in some wonderful Black Friday Shopping, What a week. The last 28 years have gone so fast. They have molded me into this woman I have become, this crazy, cooking, baking, dancing, singing, sewing, praying, crying, smiling, laughing, nut of a woman. I turned 28 today, it was a good day.

Maybe its because I feel like the past three years were so tough, or that I didn't get the chance to "just" be 25, 26, or 27 but turning 28 next week is freaking me out. (I'm sure the majority is because its almost 30) Life is just so funny.  I can remember looking down the road and deciding what I wanted for my life and taking certain steps to make it happen....guess what Amanda, you are NOT in control.  Don't let the whole "you control your own destiny" bit fool you....its rubbish. I chose my husband as he chose me, and seriously I believed that life would go as I had planned....far from the truth, we decided how many children we would have (it was 4 by the way...in case you forgot Devan) Where we would live, what we would do. It took an earth rattling shake for me to realize that life is nothing that you can plan....this is a super great thing to accept while you are still floating above water, instead of waiting until a wave comes crashing in f...

I would be flat out lying if I said, "today was AWESOME..."  It didnt start good......I have come to live on just a couple hours of sleep, Parklen gives me no choice in this matter.  I have even learned to cope with being soaked in poop.....(now there is something I never thought I would say.)  We didnt sleep, Parky and I...he was up sick.  Once the sun took its place in the sky we just stopped trying...It seems that he has another infection in his bowels.  No biggie, we are used to dealing with this.... The doctor has to make sure of which infection he has, so until then....he is in quarentine.....not to sicken any other children...we are blessed to have an immunity built up against most of Parky's illnesses. I will tell you something, (and if you have a weak stomach, you may wanna stop reading now)  It is not an easy task to get a poop sample from your three year old....and surely not fun.  The nurse at the doctors office reccommended...

My love, My partner, My number one fan...... We have seen more than some couples twice our age.... We have made it through some very deep valleys, Climbed some Steep mountains.... We have grown in our faith, We have grown in our understanding of love, We know that it is an action and not a feeling.... And we choose to love each other. We get fed up with each other, We get caught up in each other. You make me laugh, You make me crazy, and I know I do the same. God could not have chosen a better partner for me, We fit together.... Today I am celebrating you, its not your birthday, Its not our anniversary, Its just the day that I love you and am thankful for you as my husband.

I watched my friend today..... I watched her as she gave out hugs and handshakes.... I watched her smile, I watched her glowing pregnant face........... I watched as she held her head high, I watched her overflow with with God's love, I listened as people talked about her strength... I watched my friend today, It was a day to celebrate the life of her mother that has left us far too soon. For me, It was a day of affirmation, If you know where you going, Death is nothing to fear....... If you know the ones that you love are heading there also, Their death is nothing to fear... Sadness was in the room for the loss of a wonderful woman, But there was joy there also, Joy because we know where she is walking, We know the hand that holds on to hers. I was inspired by my friend today, Inspired by her faith and so thankful for people like her in my life. I will forever miss her mom, a woman that touched my life in many ways. A woman who, in life showed me many things, A woman who, in deat...

Sometimes we don't understand the plans of God, Sometimes life hurts....sometimes it hurts so bad that it seems unbearable.....I am thankful that we don't have to carry our own burdens....I am thankful that we can lay our pain at the foot of the cross. Thankful that God will catch us when we just cant go on.  Thankful that we don't have to stand alone in the face of our trials.  I am thankful for people that I love in my life, I am thankful that, even though my friend is so very sick...she has a love for Christ.  Thankful that she knows God.....Knows that he is the great healer.  I am saddened by the struggles that a family is facing....but encouraged by their faith.  I have seen miracles first hand and I am praying for more than that tonight........ Please pray for my friend....God will know who you are talking about. 

What a heck of a week.....I seriously went to sleep last Wednesday and woke up and a week has passed....I feel like the past week was a blurr.  This is typical of a busy schedule. Running every day and at rapid speeds keeps me in a haze.  ENOUGH already. I am starting a new....I am throwing out clothes....throwing out junk, toys and clutter....I am cleaning my car and vowing that there be no more snacks eaten en route...(I know that this is gonna be broken already....Parky cant stop eating for anything)   I need some organization, a more balanced schedule...possibly a planner....I forget a lot of things....  I am pretty sure this process may take a couple weeks....squeezing the new start into my old life is tricky....but it will be done. There is a lot stacked on my plate...medicine dispensing, therapy sessions, pre-school, play dates, Dr appointments...oh and I am a wife.....the list goes on. and HONESTLY my other responsibilities are slacking...my house ...

Lately things have been CRAZY.....not to say that things aren't always this way but I am really noticing it lately.   Devan has been working too much and between that and school we haven't seen him nearly enough the last couple months. We have been flying through each day at rapid speed....barely stopping to eat or rest. Parklen has been feeling up and down, had a case of pneumonia, other small sicknesses and recently Denver discovered an infection in his intestines......treating him with meds and he is on the mend...  More importantly, Parklen has been going to pre-school, and along with me to Bible Study and the tears have slowed down incredibly.  He is growing and he is loving it.  His teacher took time to call me yesterday evening and shared that he is a complete joy, he gets along with all the kids, has fun and you would never know he is sick.  He recently qualified for services again and now has two new women in his life, and one old friend....

Today you are five.......I cannot believe it.    It was five years ago that you came into our lives, five years since my world was forever changed.   Paysen you are the funniest person I know, big or small.  You are my best little buddy and you melt my heart every single day.  You told me just yesterday that, and I quote....."all I wanna do when I get big is build a house right next door to you so that I can come over every day"  When I told you that your wife probably wouldn't approve, you simply stated..."well, I will just tell her that's the way it is." You tell me that I am the best mommy in the world, you tell me that I am so cute.  You say I'm the best at cooking, and that I am your best friend.  You know just what to say and just when to say it.....When I am feeling sick and laying down you take your precious little fingers and stroke them across my forehead and say "sleep my little princess."   You made me...

My boys are in school, even my little baby…… Sending him to school was one of the hardest things I can remember doing. Walking out of the building, listening to him scream my name and knowing that he was in someone else’s care- took my breath away. I mean literally, made it hard to breathe. I am his mom, he is my baby…and harder than leaving Paysen, is leaving Parklen. I love them just the same. Not one more than the other….its just so different with Parklen. I know that Paysen is going to be ok when I leave him at school. I know that he will be. But Parklen, it scares me. You never know what will happen with him, and I guess that’s how it will always be. I will always breathe harder when I walk away from him, I will always wonder who isn’t washing their hands before they touch him, think about him getting sick and him wondering why I am not there to comfort him. It is quite a triumph to have him there, at preschool. Quite. His doctors still don’t know what will happen with his scho...

I heard the little boy at the top of the tube slide this morning...."get outta my way you stupid little fatty". Those are the words he said to My Parky. The crazy mother inside me wanted to climb up the slide to see which boy had said it and who knows what I would have done then. But there were too many kids and no one was fessing up to the mean words. I have such a fear of how kids will treat my baby. He will Always be a little chubby from the steroids. Heart breaking.....the power of words on a mothers heart. Parklen didn't miss a beat at the statement but my eyes filled with tears instantly. Kids can be mean, really mean and I just don't understand. I hope to teach my boys that words can really hurt someone. Hope that they are kind and loving.

 We are wrapping up here in Denver today, and we are all ready to head home......Three days can feel like three weeks down here!!  This dose of treatment has been extra hard on all parties involved!  Parky is feeling the sting of the steroids extra strong this go 'round and the extra side effects have spilled over on his family.  He is more violent than I have seen him. Such a difficult thing to deal with, you cant punish him like you would a regular kid, he cant control his actions....they teach you certain things on how to "deal" with "roid rage" but its hard none the less..........I feel bad for him, I am sad that he is kicking me in the face, and at the same time sad because I know he doesn't feel good.   But the thing that really gets me is when he goes crazy on his brother.....have you seen the video clips of chimps attacking people? This is exactly what it looks like, and it happens so fast that you cant prevent it.  Paysen looks at me...

Sometimes it takes a bucket to catch your fish!!! You know, Life isn't easy....Its really anything BUT.  Stress is natural, it is inevitable.....you cannot escape it.  I used to live my life in fear, allowing stress to suck me in, worrying about each step....rarely stopping to learn from my circumstances.  Now, I HAVE learned.  I worry still, (although I try to avoid it.)  But never as much as before.  I am comfortable in my own skin, I feel good about the person I am, I feel strong, feel content.  God gives me these gifts.  I know that with HIM, I have nothing to worry about, I am in good hands.....I can get through anything, not by my strength but by HIS.  Learning to deal with what your given in life is the only way to live.  I am learning that my idea of perfect doesn't always fit into the way that things are going to go.  That my picturesque dream as a child of my future family was far from reality.....

 The toad discovered at Natural Bridge  I have been slacking so much on my blog this summer....I cant decide what to write about...There has been so much good that I cant pick and choose the best!  We have been busy, playing, laughing, running, soaking up sun.  I feel like a kid again....I have removed all schedules, bed times, structure.  We are going with the flow, riding the waves....and it feels good.  I know for certain I may regret the removal of all organization when my kids throw down a massive fight as I try to prepare them for the upcoming school year.....but in the scheme of things it will be worth it.   We have spent much time together as a family, I don't miss the shift work of days passed.  Devan is home for dinner each night and we enjoy family breakfast each morning.  We are enjoying each other so much each day. Squeezing every drop from this life sponge sitting before us! This summer has even brought me to a ...