It has been five days since the transplant.
The chemo that Parklen received for prep work killed all the signs of his disease.
He has felt good.
We have thoroughly enjoyed watching him.
He has been filled with song and dance....
Today was only slightly different.
He didn't feel as peppy today.
He slept a little bit more.
Parklen still smiled.
The saddest part of his day was saying goodbye to Paysen.
They broke my heart.
Once Parklen is released to the apartment, They will be reunited!
Paysen broke down today.
It was so very painful to watch him drive away as he was screaming, "Mom, I will do anything to stay with you." My heart was torn in two.
He and his dad will come down every weekend.
Paysen will stay at the apartment as Devan and I rotate between here and there.
It is not ideal.
I was speaking with a doctor today.
I was explaining how I feel as though there is an enormous cloud hanging over me.
Like I am just waiting for that cloud to part and the flood waters to pour.
Nothing with Parklen has ever been easy.
All of this just seems to good to be true.
It is going to hurt me so bad if I have to watch him get sick again.
This is no way to live.
I am working on accepting that God is answering prayer.
Whether Parklen gets bad again or not, he is good today.
.............and that is a blessing.
To constantly be living in anticipation is deadly.
............To my mind and my spirit.
I do not know if Parklen will breeze through.
I do not know.
I do know that God has given him a warrior's spirit........
and after a life time worth of trials, it may be his time to have a little easy living........
What I do know is that worrying about the ball to drop is robbing me of abundant Joy in the fact that right now, at this very moment.......my beautiful boy sits in his hospital bed, smiling.
Each time he calls me to his side he whispers, things like, "I love you so much mom." and "can I please just cuddle you?"
Knowing that friends gathered together today to welcome my hero Paysen home.
Knowing that my love will return in 5 short days.........
Knowing that God has blessed me with wonderful support.
Knowing that day 5 is one day closer to day 100...............
Knowing that bad things may happen but the end result always stays the same.......
Knowing that I am going to talk with my freckled faced boy soon......
My cup is full...and if I choose to live by what I know, ignoring the unknown......I can live as though life is good.