It isn't because I don't want to......
Today is day +21
Three weeks out!!!
Three weeks since day zero.
Parklen had a surgery yesterday to remove both of his central lines from his chest due to an infection.
He did great.
The procedure hardly phased him.
He was up and crazy in no time flat.....even waving, shouting hellos and smiling through his mask as he was being wheeled back up to his room.
Can you imagine?
Being five years old.....
going under anesthesia for over 2 and a half hours......
and waking up as if "it ain't no thang"......
This kid never ceases to amaze me.........
and everyone else.
The other day I had a woman knock on his door.
She handed me a batman coloring book and some crayons......
She said, "Hi, you don't know me but I walk by here every day and your son waves and smiles at me so much......he makes my day. I had to bring him something to show him that."
His influence is so strong.
I vaguely spoke of a child on the floor the other day.
Out of respect for that family I will not go into much detail.....
I will only say that this sweet little boy would come outside of Parklen's door every day.
He would stop and they would wave at one another....
They would smile and take a few minutes each day just to interact.
This was always a big deal for Parklen because he is not allowed to leave his room.
He called him his "little friend."
He made Parky smile so much.
I had known that he wasn't doing well.
Parklen had begun asking me where he was.
I explained that he was really sick and couldn't come by.
Parklen said, "We should pray for him mom."
So we did.........every day, many times a day.
The little boy had a birthday on Friday........
he turned 6.
On Sunday he passed away.
I strongly debated on what I would say to Parklen.
After all the kid is just 5.
Death is confusing for adults.......
it is a hard topic.
I approach parenting with a honesty policy.
I don't like to lie.
The more I thought about it the more I knew that I had to tell Parklen.
I kept it simple.
I just told him that he had passed away.
Parklen looked at me in the face.....
studied my expression,
he instantly had tears in his eyes......but he did not cry.
He said, "Well, he is with God now."
and then he hugged me so tight.
and I believe with my whole self that he is.
I choose to share this story with you because there is so much to learn here.
Life is precious.
It is said all the time, you have probably even said it yourself......
but do you believe it really?
It is literally here one moment and gone the next.
Your problems could always be worse.....
You know that life gets busy,
things pile up.
Little problems seem like big problems....
and we all fall into the pattern of complaining.....
But what do we really have to complain about?
Every day, children are sick......
I see these kids.
Usually these kids are smiling.
Every day Parents are losing their children to sickness.....
They don't have a choice, they have to watch their sons and their daughters fight and lose a battle of illness.
Can you even imagine?
Your problems, my problems....are not that big.
The bible wasn't kidding when it said to have faith like a child.
Look at Parklen.
He is sitting in a hospital room......
He has spent his entire life fighting.
He has never felt well.
He has every reason to be angry or feel cheated......
He chooses to believe in God.
He chooses to accept that God is present in his life and others.
He doesn't have much tangible evidence from over the years if you think about it.
but he believes.
He has no doubt in his mind that when he is scared God is listening to his cries.
He doesn't question the idea of prayer.
He isn't concerned for his friend who passed away because he knows where he has gone.
Can you have faith like that?
Can you stop being angry with the things that aren't going right?
Can you realize that God is here.
Can you accept that?
Can you believe.....
I completely believe.
I believe that life is hard.
I believe that life is incredibly unfair.
I believe that children should not be sick.
I believe that I have no idea what the heck is going on a lot of the time.
I believe that no amount of pain is too big for faith to conquer.
I believe in God.
I believe in truth....
I am so thankful for children that believe.
Spending every quiet moment I have praying for that family.
Praying for the other families in the hospital.
Praying for those that have no faith.
Nothing to cling to in their time of need.
I wanted to go out of my twenties with a bang......
do one of those thirty days of kindness things....
I am overwhelmed here.
My circle of influence isn't large enough......I am at the apartment or in a hospital room practically every moment of my day.
I couldn't do things on the scale I had hoped,
but I have been working on random acts of kindness everywhere I go.
Buying someones cup of coffee....
Putting in a good word about a nurse.
Letting someone else have the better parking spot.
Bringing someone breakfast.....
I am trying my best.
It always feels so good to do for others.
no matter the scale.
Just a few more days left before my big birthday......
Still getting used to the whole idea of being 30.
I am so thankful.
For so so much.
At this moment I am most thankful for the gift of faith.....
and the joy of passing that gift on to my children.